{"title":"All Products","description":"\u003cp\u003eWeird Castle is where the uncomfortable thought you had at 2 a.m. becomes a hat. This is the full catalog — every blunt-force slogan tee, fake-official seal, gag gift, cursed sticker, and deadpan artifact we've issued to date. Civil War 2 deployment gear for the pre-enrolled. Cocaine baggie stickers for the cabinet reorganization you've been putting off. A retirement plan backed entirely by fake gold. If you've been looking for edgy gifts, dark humor merch, funny hats, meme stickers, or satirical gag gifts that actually have a point — something that makes the recipient laugh and then look over their shoulder — you are in the right place.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEverything here punches up, punches sideways, and occasionally punches straight through the drywall of polite society. Weird Castle takes a real swing at power, hypocrisy, and the quietly insane machinery of daily life — then prints it on a hat. Browse the full collection: ugly Christmas sweaters with laser cats, shit show supervisor headwear, slippers engineered for maximum foot suffering, and novelty gifts that a normal store would reject at the pitch meeting. If a normie would call it 'fun' or 'cute,' we started over. If it made us wince and then immediately add it to cart, it shipped.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"civil-war-veteran-hat","title":"Civil War Veteran Hat — Thank You for Your Service (1861-1865)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYou served. You fought. You were definitely alive in 1863.\u003c\/strong\u003e This hat says so, and nobody can prove otherwise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWear it to the grocery store. Wear it to family dinner. Accept the confused salutes. You’ve earned absolutely nothing, and this hat celebrates that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eMaterials\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003eA six-panel cap in black corduroy. The front patch is embroidered — merrowed border, raised lettering. The brim lettering is embroidered too. Adjustable strap at the back. Made in a real production run and shipped from our own stock, because some wars deserve a real hat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eReturns + Exchanges\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe accept returns and exchanges within 30 days of delivery. Items must be unworn, unwashed, and still capable of starting arguments. If something’s off, email us with your order number and we’ll make it right.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44160245694516,"sku":"","price":38.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/weird-castle-cw1-1-three-quarter-front-20261107.jpg?v=1794050669"},{"product_id":"civil-war-2-veteran-hat","title":"Civil War 2 Veteran Hat — Pre-Deployed Since Thanksgiving","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAmerica’s most anticipated sequel hasn’t dropped yet, but you already served.\u003c\/strong\u003e This hat says “Future Veteran” because you’ve been pre-deployed since your last family group chat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWear it to the cookout. Wear it to the comments section. Salute yourself in the mirror. The sequel hasn’t started, but your merch is ready.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eMaterials\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003eA six-panel cap in black corduroy. The front patch is embroidered — merrowed border, raised lettering. The brim lettering is embroidered too. Adjustable strap at the back. Made in a real production run and shipped from our own stock, because some wars deserve a real hat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eReturns + Exchanges\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe accept returns and exchanges within 30 days of delivery. Items must be unworn, unwashed, and still capable of starting arguments. If something’s off, email us with your order number and we’ll make it right.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44163425992756,"sku":null,"price":38.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/weird-castle-cw2-1-three-quarter-front-20261107.jpg?v=1794050694"},{"product_id":"civil-war-veteran-tee","title":"Civil War Veteran T-Shirt — Proudly Served (1861-1865)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYou served in the Civil War. You were definitely there. This shirt proves it.\u003c\/strong\u003e All-over printed with crossed muskets, “Civil War Veteran” on front, and “Proudly Served” on back — because if you’re going to lie about your military record, you might as well commit to it with your entire torso.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Civil War Veteran Tee is a full-body declaration of service you never rendered in a war that ended 160+ years ago. It’s loud, it’s all-over print, and it will generate more confused stares per square inch than any other garment in your closet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFeatures\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrossed muskets front graphic\u003c\/strong\u003e — the universal symbol for “I definitely fought in this”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e“CIVIL WAR VETERAN” front text\u003c\/strong\u003e — in case anyone was wondering\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e“PROUDLY SERVED” back text\u003c\/strong\u003e — for when you walk away from conversations you can’t win\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSizes XS–XXXXL\u003c\/strong\u003e — fake valor comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\n\n\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL, XXXXL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFulfillment: Print-on-demand via Printify\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA t-shirt that turns your entire body into a monument to a war you didn’t fight in. Pair it with the Civil War Veteran Hat for full dress uniform status. Or wear it alone and let people figure it out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eReturns + Exchanges\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe accept returns within 30 days. Shirt must be unworn and in original condition. Your imaginary service record remains on file permanently.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMen's Polyester Tee (AOP) unisex cut-and-sew all-over-print tee, 5.16 oz\/yd² (175 g\/m²). 100% brushed polyester. All panels cut and sewn together. Seam thread colour automatically matched to the design. Size and care information printed inside the collar. All-over print on cut-and-sew panels.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":44231089586228,"sku":"26071679080842340824","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":44231089618996,"sku":"19413145720312192840","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44231089651764,"sku":"19700391502477295689","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44231089684532,"sku":"33453301013408821327","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44231089717300,"sku":"29259071118548166981","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XXL","offer_id":44231089750068,"sku":"71139993984543366470","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XXXL","offer_id":44231089782836,"sku":"16864216172499758577","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XXXXL","offer_id":44231089815604,"sku":"14212026998804085148","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-civil-war-veteran-tee-f0_128ee8a7-7bb3-40f3-9324-4117733e4ed8.png?v=1786788522"},{"product_id":"two-wars-zero-service-hat-bundle","title":"Two Wars, Zero Service — The Civil War Veteran Hat Bundle","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYou didn’t serve in one. You didn’t serve in two. But now you can dress like you did both.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Two Wars, Zero Service bundle gets you both Civil War Veteran hats — the original (1861–1865) and the sequel (TBD) — so you can claim service across two American conflicts that you absolutely did not participate in. One hat for the war that happened. One hat for the war that hasn’t. Maximum fake valor, one discounted price.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Buy the Bundle\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBuying them separately means two transactions, two shipping charges, and two moments where you have to explain to your bank why you’re purchasing satirical military headwear. The bundle eliminates one of those moments and saves you money. That’s called strategy — something a real veteran would appreciate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePeople who want to confuse everyone at the barbecue\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGift sets for the friend who has opinions about everything\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWearing one and leaving the other on your dashboard as a conversation piece\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAnyone who thinks America’s best days are both behind and ahead of us\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eReturns + Exchanges\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe accept returns within 30 days. Both hats must be unworn and in original condition. Your two-war veteran status, however, is permanent and non-transferable.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47097043124276,"sku":null,"price":64.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-two-wars-zero-service-hat-bundle-f0_42f5d3cc-0456-4c5a-9413-f10ea51af502.png?v=1786788535"},{"product_id":"my-first-necromancy-mug","title":"My First Necromancy Mug — Funny Toddler Toy Ouija Board","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey said early childhood development requires sensory play, object permanence, and piercing the veil of the afterlife. We took the indestructible, primary-colored plastic vibe of 1980s daycare centers and slapped it on a chunky ceramic gateway to the underworld. Complete with a graphic of an oversized, choke-safe planchette, this funny occult coffee mug proves that necromancy is really just mildly inconveniencing a deceased person. Keep the kids busy generating spectral foot-traffic, or just use it to resurrect your own tired soul with a strong dark roast.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAges 36 Months to Eternal Damnation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11oz ceramic mug for coffee, tea, or morning summoning rituals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\n\u003cli\u003eDisclaimer: Deceased relatives may critique your parenting style from beyond the grave\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eClassic C-handle white ceramic mug featuring vivid, durable printing. Ships securely packaged for a safe journey across the mortal plane.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCeramic mug. White durable ceramic. 11oz (0.33 l) and 15oz (0.44 l) sizes. C-handle. Glossy finish. Dye-sublimation print. Microwave and dishwasher safe.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":48098514698292,"sku":"23901125119309792812","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":48098514731060,"sku":"15493355696496638345","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-my-first-necromancy-mug-0_dfc6c53e-6163-40c0-bdd3-315d5cfaf712.png?v=1787991481"},{"product_id":"my-first-necromancy-sticker","title":"My First Necromancy Sticker — Funny Toddler Toy Ouija Board","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey said early childhood development requires sensory play, object permanence, and piercing the veil of the afterlife. We took the indestructible, hyper-safe, primary-colored plastic of 1980s daycare centers and immortalized it in sticker form as a chunky gateway to the underworld. Why let them wait until their twenties to confront the howling void when they can drag souls back from the abyss before they are potty trained?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSlap this bad boy on your laptop or water bottle to let everyone know you support bothering the dead. Stripped of gothic horror, necromancy is really just mildly inconveniencing a deceased person. Keep the kids busy while generating spectral foot-traffic.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAges 36 Months to Eternal Damnation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not use to contact un-optimized historical figures\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eChoking hazard: Do not ingest ectoplasm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWipe clean with bleach and sage\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDisclaimer: Deceased relatives may critique your parenting style\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eKiss-cut sticker. 100% durable vinyl. Kiss-cut to shape with the backing left intact. Glossy finish. Indoor decor — not waterproof. UV print, kiss-cut.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48098514894900,"sku":"11338595955029313100","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48098514927668,"sku":"27908704485145550062","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-my-first-necromancy-sticker-0_63ff0e00-d601-4c16-b893-342114c9e9db.png?v=1791743634"},{"product_id":"my-first-necromancy-hoodie","title":"My First Necromancy Hoodie — Funny Toddler Toy Ouija Board","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey said early childhood development requires sensory play, object permanence, and piercing the veil of the afterlife. We took the indestructible, hyper-safe, primary-colored plastic of 1980s daycare centers and printed it on a premium hoodie as a chunky gateway to the underworld. Why wait until your twenties to confront the howling void when you can drag souls back from the abyss in total comfort?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis creepy-cute pastel goth sweatshirt features a choke-safe, oversized planchette graphic perfectly molded for bothering the dead. Stripped of gothic horror, necromancy is really just mildly inconveniencing a deceased person. Keep warm while generating spectral foot-traffic.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAges 36 Months to Eternal Damnation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not use to contact un-optimized historical figures\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDisclaimer: Deceased relatives may critique your outfit choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic unisex fit—size up for that howling void oversized look\u003c\/li\u003e\n\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eGildan 18500 unisex hooded sweatshirt, classic fit, 8.0 oz\/yd² (271 g\/m²). 50% cotton, 50% polyester. Pouch pocket. Double-lined hood with color-matched drawcord. Ribbed cuffs and hem. Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, front.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48098515189812,"sku":"16768569805737594033","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48098515320884,"sku":"98087838238114999389","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48098515451956,"sku":"83243995109407893237","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48098515583028,"sku":"30955331578921691003","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48098515714100,"sku":"25566872275734555191","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48098515124276,"sku":"66835189095019006068","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48195313205300,"sku":"46712738591050075410","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48098515255348,"sku":"40826178760270872876","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48195313238068,"sku":"13860085306920029352","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48098515386420,"sku":"32161865219360007510","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48195313270836,"sku":"12331973173530096849","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48098515517492,"sku":"16639982451011627030","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48195313303604,"sku":"60327741452398020822","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48098515648564,"sku":"18513868531589621315","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48195313336372,"sku":"12303773568985678610","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-my-first-necromancy-hoodie-0_f094ab5d-35d1-447b-b335-9798d86f3393.png?v=1791591535"},{"product_id":"my-first-necromancy-tee","title":"My First Necromancy Shirt — Funny Toddler Toy Ouija Board","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey said early childhood development requires sensory play, object permanence, and piercing the veil of the afterlife. 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