{"title":"Department of Grass Touching","description":"\u003cp\u003eEverything in the building that turned out to be about this. Assembled automatically, because enough of it accumulated to be worth a shelf.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"please-be-patient-my-mom-took-tylenawl-onesie","title":"Please Be Patient, My Mom Took Tylenawl — Funny Baby Onesie","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis is not a cute outfit. This is a \u003cstrong\u003edisclosure garment.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSomewhere along the way, your mom took Tylenol. Then came you. Now the people at daycare, the grocery store, and the pediatrician's waiting room deserve to know what they're dealing with — \u003cem\u003ebefore\u003c\/em\u003e things escalate.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003ePlease Be Patient, My Mom Took Tylenol Onesie\u003c\/strong\u003e does the explaining so you don't have to. It's a wearable warning label. A tiny infant press release. A courtesy to everyone in a five-foot radius.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFine Print (read before approaching the baby):\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThis baby requires patience. Budget accordingly.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBrain development may not have followed the recommended schedule.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not attempt to reason with this baby using logic or eye contact.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThis onesie is the only documentation you're getting.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSide effects of interacting with this baby may include confusion, unsolicited parenting opinions, and existential dread.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eA genuinely funny baby shower gift, a novelty onesie for chronically-online new parents, or a comfort item for the baby who arrived with the vibes of a Terms \u0026amp; Conditions document nobody read. Soft, durable, and ethically labeled. Machine washable — because of course something had to be easy.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"NB (0-3M) \/ Royal","offer_id":47142401212468,"sku":"25538972961969362050","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6M \/ Royal","offer_id":47142401245236,"sku":"28769348268950940117","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"12M \/ Royal","offer_id":47142401278004,"sku":"65011593138835647526","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"18M \/ Royal","offer_id":47142401310772,"sku":"22270650628751855592","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"24M \/ Royal","offer_id":47142401343540,"sku":"14699951335182223529","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-please-be-patient-my-mom-took-tylenawl-onesie-c0_a3e0f24f-500e-4bfb-83fc-0c23a6c30999.png?v=1785913103"},{"product_id":"please-be-patient-i-took-a-name-brand-painkiller-i-can-t-legally-print-here-tee","title":"Be Patient, I Took a Painkiller Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis is not a lifestyle brand. This is not a wellness journey. This is a \u003cstrong\u003ecourt-approved confession in cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e for anyone who has ever walked into a room and needed everyone to immediately lower their expectations.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWe can't name the specific painkiller. The lawyers got involved. What we \u003cem\u003ecan\u003c\/em\u003e tell you is that it rhymes with \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"Royal \/ S","offer_id":47195754758196,"sku":"24899833857112927189","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ M","offer_id":47195754889268,"sku":"31809832408270356759","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ L","offer_id":47195755020340,"sku":"52826958376636257601","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ XL","offer_id":47195755151412,"sku":"14367949803371420495","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":47195755282484,"sku":"16238339504333396661","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":47195755413556,"sku":"52846210655148739913","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 4XL","offer_id":47195755511860,"sku":"13541781356793027555","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 5XL","offer_id":47195755577396,"sku":"25069839278794617617","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ S","offer_id":47195754725428,"sku":"31960785868616113238","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ M","offer_id":47195754856500,"sku":"11160548671571300683","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ L","offer_id":47195754987572,"sku":"31374731322264635998","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ XL","offer_id":47195755118644,"sku":"81553102242552486995","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":47195755249716,"sku":"28887947179271644327","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":47195755380788,"sku":"10921894782009735524","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":47195754790964,"sku":"18554118430526736366","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":47195754922036,"sku":"26481628196282546781","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":47195755053108,"sku":"87258824106286900653","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":47195755184180,"sku":"16670765747099295403","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47195755315252,"sku":"25725492478169352057","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47195755446324,"sku":"23857551815554090847","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47195755544628,"sku":"11355847843132024782","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":47195755610164,"sku":"33158461596634452768","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ S","offer_id":47195754823732,"sku":"16306536525729238255","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ M","offer_id":47195754954804,"sku":"39830872631483639586","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ L","offer_id":47195755085876,"sku":"25167504459701883816","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ XL","offer_id":47195755216948,"sku":"78535314808926001642","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":47195755348020,"sku":"15386719949413110173","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":47195755479092,"sku":"66730614738712485417","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-please-be-patient-i-took-a-name-brand-painkiller-i-can-t-legally-print-here-tee-c0_04675847-8beb-4cc9-afd2-0994864d98cf.png?v=1785913148"},{"product_id":"chronically-online-disaster-response-volunteer-cap-incident-69420-authorized-personnel-only","title":"CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eNo agency was coming for this one. Not FEMA, not the Red Cross, not anyone with a hotline or a casserole. When the disaster was \u003cem\u003ethe entire information environment collapsing into a slurry of death counts, meme discourse, and main-character events refreshing every four minutes\u003c\/em\u003e, you had to self-deploy. This t-shirt is your official documentation. Deployment date: March 2020. Status: \u003cstrong\u003eONGOING.\u003c\/strong\u003e You did not volunteer for this. You were volunteered by circumstance, by the algorithm, by a news cycle that never called for an all-clear. Wear it with the thousand-yard stare you earned.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a deadpan graphic reading \u003cstrong\u003eCHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED TO REFRESH UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE\u003c\/strong\u003e, complete with a fake agency seal. It reads exactly like a volunteer deployment shirt right up until it doesn't. The double-take on a stranger's face is the entire point. You survived something real. The shirt just says the quiet part out loud.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAgency:\u003c\/strong\u003e Bureau of Chronically Online Disaster Management (BCODM) — est. March 13, 2020\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIncident Classification:\u003c\/strong\u003e Complex Multi-Platform Psychic Mass Casualty Event\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIncident #:\u003c\/strong\u003e 69420-DOOMSCROLL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDeployment Status:\u003c\/strong\u003e ACTIVE \/ NO DEMOBILIZATION DATE SET\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAuthorized Activities:\u003c\/strong\u003e Refreshing, quote-tweeting into the void, doomscrolling as civic duty\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBenefits Package:\u003c\/strong\u003e None. There is no benefits package. There was never a benefits package.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eClassic unisex fit, printed on ultra-soft 100% cotton so you stay comfortable during your endless scrolling shifts.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48002138865716,"sku":"12329917569399517237","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48002138898484,"sku":"18655400996359394964","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48002138931252,"sku":"12131559625159513679","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48002138964020,"sku":"20021631984513662463","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48002138996788,"sku":"90586112237967546961","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48002139029556,"sku":"30978336320356625285","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48002139062324,"sku":"59903020596056078037","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48002139095092,"sku":"30497794809142848726","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48002139127860,"sku":"19034482026561244284","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48002139160628,"sku":"29757442131156650021","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-chronically-online-disaster-response-volunteer-cap-incident-69420-authorized-personnel-only-c0_a31ecbaa-51fb-47f4-bfc7-4fe828e5f172.png?v=1785913171"},{"product_id":"chronically-online-disaster-response-volunteer-cap-incident-69420-authorized-personnel-only-1","title":"CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eNo agency was coming for this one. Not FEMA, not the Red Cross, not anyone with a hotline or a casserole. When the disaster was the entire information environment collapsing into a slurry of death counts, meme discourse, and main-character events refreshing every four minutes, you had to self-deploy. This cap is your official documentation. You did not volunteer for this. You were volunteered by circumstance, by the algorithm, by a news cycle that never called for an all-clear. Wear it with the thousand-yard stare you earned.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAgency:\u003c\/strong\u003e Bureau of Chronically Online Disaster Management (BCODM)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIncident Classification:\u003c\/strong\u003e Complex Multi-Platform Psychic Mass Casualty Event\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIncident #:\u003c\/strong\u003e 69420-DOOMSCROLL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDeployment Status:\u003c\/strong\u003e ACTIVE \/ NO DEMOBILIZATION DATE SET\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAuthorized Activities:\u003c\/strong\u003e Refreshing, quote-tweeting into the void, doomscrolling as civic duty\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBenefits Package:\u003c\/strong\u003e None. There was never a benefits package.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNext Briefing:\u003c\/strong\u003e Whenever something happens, which will be soon, which will be worse\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eClassic 6-panel structured twill dad hat with an adjustable strap. Embroidered to last through the next unprecedented historical event. Ships fast.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48002139488308,"sku":"11196050686225590195","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48002139521076,"sku":"25912210007597302671","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48002139553844,"sku":"17971663275080971035","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-chronically-online-disaster-response-volunteer-cap-incident-69420-authorized-personnel-only-1-c0_23cf3e7f-21b9-4e22-8f94-b6fc08d4a60a.png?v=1785913182"},{"product_id":"chronically-online-disaster-response-volunteer-cap-incident-69420-authorized-personnel-only-2","title":"CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eNo agency was coming for this one. Not FEMA, not the Red Cross. When the disaster was \u003cem\u003ethe entire information environment collapsing into a slurry of death counts, meme discourse, and main-character events refreshing every four minutes\u003c\/em\u003e, you had to self-deploy. This vinyl sticker is your official documentation. Stick it on your laptop, your water bottle, or the router that keeps you tethered to this hellscape. You did not volunteer for this. You were volunteered by the algorithm.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA deadpan, official-looking decal reading \u003cstrong\u003eCHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED TO REFRESH UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE\u003c\/strong\u003e with a fake agency seal. It reads exactly like real volunteer deployment gear right up until someone actually reads it. The double-take is the entire point.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAgency:\u003c\/strong\u003e Bureau of Chronically Online Disaster Management (BCODM) — est. March 2020\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIncident Classification:\u003c\/strong\u003e Complex Multi-Platform Psychic Mass Casualty Event\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAuthorized Activities:\u003c\/strong\u003e Refreshing, developing opinions about strangers, doomscrolling as civic duty\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBenefits Package:\u003c\/strong\u003e None. There is no benefits package.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSpecs:\u003c\/strong\u003e Premium, durable vinyl. Waterproof, weatherproof, and ready for unprecedented times.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48002140241972,"sku":"41809777502900766935","price":3.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48002140274740,"sku":"29444883434330052001","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-chronically-online-disaster-response-volunteer-cap-incident-69420-authorized-personnel-only-2-c0_ce6f48f9-c0b4-454e-b491-600301e77c4a.png?v=1785913193"},{"product_id":"wikipedia-ongoing-events-desk-senior-editor-staff-cap","title":"WIKIPEDIA ONGOING EVENTS DESK — SENIOR EDITOR STAFF — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou didn't read it wrong. You read it \u003cem\u003eunapproved\u003c\/em\u003e. This is the official credentialing cap of the Wikipedia Ongoing Events Desk — the anonymous, unelected, IP-traceable gatekeepers of consensus reality who decide what happened, when it happened, and whether it happened at all.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe Pentagon IP edits were real. The pharmaceutical company \"corrections\" were real. This hat is fake. That's the only fake part. Wear it and watch someone take you seriously for exactly three seconds before the dread sets in.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRESOLVED INCIDENT 001:\u003c\/strong\u003e Pentagon IP addresses editing detainee casualty figures — closed, citation removed.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRESOLVED INCIDENT 002:\u003c\/strong\u003e CIA-linked edits to pages on foreign heads of state — closed, tone improved.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRESOLVED INCIDENT 003:\u003c\/strong\u003e Corporate PR firms editing competitor pages — closed, neutrality confirmed.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSTATUS:\u003c\/strong\u003e ALL INCIDENTS RESOLVED. REALITY IS STABLE. DO NOT INVESTIGATE FURTHER.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Specs:\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic structured crown trucker cap with a breathable mesh back, adjustable snapback closure, and crisp embroidery. Ships fast so you can get back to the edit war.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48012029165620,"sku":"18290205054834912271","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48012029198388,"sku":"23536052820695753451","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48012029231156,"sku":"73644211343996018731","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-wikipedia-ongoing-events-desk-senior-editor-staff-cap-c0_7e01034a-d506-4d65-a21c-17e62a804834.png?v=1785913215"},{"product_id":"citation-needed-tee","title":"Citation Needed Shirt — Funny Wikipedia Editor Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe little man in the rumpled suit has been at it for eleven hours. The article is called \u003cem\u003eTHE TRUTH\u003c\/em\u003e. He is the only editor. He has been reverted 4,897 times. The talk page is locked. The suspicious IP traced back to the edit is \u003cstrong\u003e127.0.0.1\u003c\/strong\u003e — localhost — meaning he is, in the technical sense, arguing with himself. He is sweating through the formal wear. The pie eyes say he knows something. The pie eyes also say he will never stop.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eCitation Needed\u003c\/em\u003e is Wikipedia's most passive-aggressive institutional maneuver — the polite way the encyclopedia says \u003cem\u003ewe do not believe you but we have chosen not to say so directly.\u003c\/em\u003e Issued by Weird Castle Information Management, this chronically online graphic tee is the ultimate gift for the internet pedant. The record is being kept. The record is being revised. The record has always been revised.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEdit count:\u003c\/strong\u003e 4,897 reversions, zero consensus reached\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTalk page status:\u003c\/strong\u003e Locked pending investigation into the investigation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSuspicious IP:\u003c\/strong\u003e 127.0.0.1 (the editor is the source, the source is the editor)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eArticle stability:\u003c\/strong\u003e Perpetually marked as a stub\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNeutral point of view:\u003c\/strong\u003e Disputed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis premium unisex t-shirt requires no independent verification. Crafted from 100% soft spun cotton, it features a classic comfortable fit that holds up through endless late-night wiki rabbit holes and relentless forum debates. True to size and entirely factual.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48027613233204,"sku":"14528442890535253562","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48027613265972,"sku":"30763402923608677731","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48027613298740,"sku":"20342771486119056080","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48027613331508,"sku":"25635243392719323880","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48027613364276,"sku":"25377131438997841331","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48027613397044,"sku":"28758703231940802481","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48027613429812,"sku":"21730919837485175813","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48027613462580,"sku":"30813569521348446461","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48027613495348,"sku":"27694998326033572840","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48027613528116,"sku":"16330046485901511937","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-citation-needed-tee-c0_7d18a146-d1df-4c10-a79b-0b7242a77c42.png?v=1785913248"},{"product_id":"citation-needed-cap","title":"Citation Needed Hat — Funny Wikipedia Editor Dad Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe little man in the rumpled suit has been at it for eleven hours. The article is called \u003cem\u003eTHE TRUTH\u003c\/em\u003e. He is the only editor. He has been reverted 4,897 times. The talk page is locked. The suspicious IP traced back to the edit is \u003cstrong\u003e127.0.0.1\u003c\/strong\u003e — localhost — meaning he is, in the technical sense, arguing with himself. He is sweating through the formal wear. The pie eyes say he knows something. The pie eyes also say he will never stop.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eCitation Needed\u003c\/em\u003e is Wikipedia's most passive-aggressive institutional maneuver — the polite way the encyclopedia says \u003cem\u003ewe do not believe you but we have chosen not to say so directly.\u003c\/em\u003e Issued by Weird Castle Information Management, this embroidered dad hat ensures the record is always being revised.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEdit count:\u003c\/strong\u003e 4,897 reversions, zero consensus reached\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTalk page status:\u003c\/strong\u003e Locked pending investigation into the investigation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSuspicious IP:\u003c\/strong\u003e 127.0.0.1 (the editor is the source)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eArticle stability:\u003c\/strong\u003e Perpetually marked as a stub\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNeutral point of view:\u003c\/strong\u003e Disputed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFit:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% cotton unstructured dad cap with an adjustable strap [citation needed]\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48027613626420,"sku":"23509353916845070375","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48027613659188,"sku":"13755687272158347312","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48027613691956,"sku":"32572680781042333444","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-citation-needed-cap-c0_ad62b162-1808-4ed5-a66a-aa380986d22f.png?v=1785913259"},{"product_id":"citation-needed-sticker","title":"Citation Needed Sticker — Funny Edit War Laptop Decal","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe little man in the rumpled suit has been at it for eleven hours. The article is called \u003cem\u003eTHE TRUTH\u003c\/em\u003e. He has been reverted 4,897 times, and the talk page is locked. \u003cem\u003eCitation Needed\u003c\/em\u003e is the internet's most passive-aggressive institutional maneuver—the polite way of saying \u003cem\u003ewe do not believe you but we have chosen not to say so directly.\u003c\/em\u003e The record is being kept. The record is being revised. The record has always been revised.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEdit count:\u003c\/strong\u003e 4,897 reversions, zero consensus reached\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTalk page status:\u003c\/strong\u003e Locked pending investigation into the investigation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSuspicious IP:\u003c\/strong\u003e 127.0.0.1 (the editor is the source, the source is the editor)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNeutral point of view:\u003c\/strong\u003e Highly disputed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eHigh-quality, durable vinyl sticker. Perfect for laptops, water bottles, notebooks, or issuing corrections to your own prior corrections.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48027613888564,"sku":"26141199976134744746","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48027613921332,"sku":"31505262671692729054","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-citation-needed-sticker-0_7443105d-0533-425c-9fe4-c6d402b0500b.png?v=1785899794"},{"product_id":"office-of-strategic-narratives-field-ration-unit-tee","title":"Office of Strategic Narratives Tee — Funny Psyops Field Ration Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eRecovered from a supply closet that officially never existed, this GSA-surplus garment was issued to operatives whose sole job was feeding the public lukewarm storylines. The Office of Strategic Narratives was a real euphemism for a real function of real governments, which means this t-shirt is, canonically, the official uniform for generating sanctioned bullshit. It was declassified because the narrative has already shifted, or because they want you to think it has. Wear it with plausible deniability.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClearance Level:\u003c\/strong\u003e Declassified (Operationally Irrelevant)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFabrication:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% cotton, woven with intense bureaucratic oversight\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFit:\u003c\/strong\u003e Standard unisex issue—conforms to the body, unlike the truth\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOrigin:\u003c\/strong\u003e Interagency supply chain. Do not pursue.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNot To Be Used For:\u003c\/strong\u003e Any purpose this description acknowledges\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted on a soft, high-quality unisex t-shirt. Ships in standard civilian packaging before the redacted files are officially released.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48027613986868,"sku":"22385358520415978984","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48027614019636,"sku":"16818332020880615115","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48027614052404,"sku":"29910667000226788094","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48027614085172,"sku":"25475034875613031807","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48027614117940,"sku":"19781887396757063747","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48027614150708,"sku":"26744023700704853337","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48027614183476,"sku":"30331118226146694963","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48027614216244,"sku":"10696987155632941687","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48027614249012,"sku":"28484176963199406985","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48027614281780,"sku":"19357721400102243007","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-office-of-strategic-narratives-field-ration-unit-tee-c0_7f2758cc-ab3c-404d-aea4-f12aea03beff.png?v=1785913271"},{"product_id":"senior-editor-talk-page-disputes-official-credentialed-cap-2","title":"SENIOR EDITOR, TALK PAGE DISPUTES — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eIssued by the fictional Office of Revert Management, this embroidered cap recognizes 14+ years of distinguished service in wiki talk page conflict mediation, comma-placement adjudication, and the sustained psychological warfare required to maintain a disputed stub about a 13th-century Flemish bishop. Nobody voted on this role. Nobody approved this hat. The knowledge is free. The grudges are forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNPOV COMPLIANCE: \u003cstrong\u003eDISPUTED.\u003c\/strong\u003e We do not take sides. We simply revert yours.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTitle:\u003c\/strong\u003e Senior Editor, Talk Page Disputes (self-designated, uncontested after three arbitration closures)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRevert Count:\u003c\/strong\u003e 4,719 (pending review; 214 currently tagged 'possibly retaliatory')\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTenure:\u003c\/strong\u003e Active status maintained through IP sock investigations and monthly talk page archives nobody reads\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNeutrality Status:\u003c\/strong\u003e DISPUTED (see Talk:Talk Page, archived thread 'RE: Is this editor a POV warrior?')\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDisclaimer:\u003c\/strong\u003e This credential does not imply authority. It implies something much worse.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eClassic unstructured 100% cotton dad hat with an adjustable strap. High-quality embroidery because your edits deserve to be permanent, even if they get reverted immediately.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48032967295028,"sku":"20083366582549773004","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48032967327796,"sku":"15856782298575061072","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-senior-editor-talk-page-disputes-official-credentialed-cap-2-c0_fa560d40-dcc7-4ea4-968c-3b21435bbb1d.png?v=1785913445"},{"product_id":"citation-needed-bureau-of-epistemological-maintenance-staff-issue-cap","title":"Citation Needed Hat — Funny Fact Checker Dad Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eSomewhere between 2:47 and 4:15 AM, a gremlin in a visor is deciding what is real. He is not paid. He has not slept. He has seventeen tabs open and a blood pressure that would concern a physician. He is reverting your edit. He will always be reverting your edit. This is the guy. This is the whole system. \u003cstrong\u003eCitation Needed\u003c\/strong\u003e is an official credential issued by the Bureau of Epistemological Maintenance to agents currently engaged in active reality-governance operations — rubber-hose bureaucratic meltdown, deadpan-official, absolutely sincere.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWearing this means you have been designated by a governing body that does not exist to demand sourcing from strangers. You are not a Wikipedia editor. You are the epistemological crisis itself, badged and operational. The knowledge graph is held together by this man's grip on consensus and it is loosening. \u003cem\u003eIssued by Weird Castle Operations. For official use in unofficial situations.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClearance Level:\u003c\/strong\u003e Talk Page Only\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eJurisdiction:\u003c\/strong\u003e All articles, all timelines, disputed and undisputed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eChain of Command:\u003c\/strong\u003e The original editor who cited a Reddit post in 2009\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStatus:\u003c\/strong\u003e Actively reverting; do not approach without a peer-reviewed source\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWarning:\u003c\/strong\u003e Bureau assumes no liability for epistemological collapse occurring during your shift\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Real Specs:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% cotton chino twill unstructured dad hat. Adjustable strap with antique buckle. Fits most heads, regardless of their grip on reality.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48051026657332,"sku":"17149958459107512109","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48051026690100,"sku":"25873768505633828460","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48051026722868,"sku":"17801114263778370139","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-citation-needed-bureau-of-epistemological-maintenance-staff-issue-cap-c0_680fa7dc-2f6d-449b-8c6c-04b0bbe700e9.png?v=1785913499"},{"product_id":"strategic-reserve-thoughts-prayers-stock-status-depleted-mug","title":"Strategic Reserve: Thoughts \u0026 Prayers Depleted Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe government maintains strategic reserves of what matters most—oil, grain, and empty platitudes. This is the official inventory record for the nation's Thoughts \u0026amp; Prayers stockpile: lot-numbered, rubber-hose-cartoon-rendered in loving bureaucratic detail, filed correctly, and marked DEPLETED. Someone was supposed to reorder. They did not. The paperwork, however, is immaculate. Deadpan-institutional critique on a funny dark humor coffee mug. The horror isn't that it ran out; it's that it was managed by a department.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e⚠️ STOCK STATUS: DEPLETED as of the most recent incident\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e⚠️ Lot No. 00-000-TP: do not attempt to reorder through normal procurement channels\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e⚠️ Symbolic comfort issued on a per-tragedy basis; quantities were never sufficient\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e⚠️ A replenishment memo was drafted; it remains in committee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e⚠️ Perfect political satire gift for chronically online news junkies\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eStandard 11oz ceramic mug. Dishwasher and microwave safe, unlike our national infrastructure. Ships securely.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":48055834017844,"sku":"22631572300495050331","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-strategic-reserve-thoughts-prayers-stock-status-depleted-mug-0_e9f31687-1499-4083-8f4d-ce1b446304bb.png?v=1785901444"},{"product_id":"premium-unverified-claims-sticker","title":"Premium Unverified Claims — Funny Fake News Rat Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eWhy wait for a billionaire's algorithm to spoon-feed you brain rot when you can buy it directly from a diseased rodent in an alleyway? The modern information economy is a beautiful, unregulated black market, and this guy is holding the premium stuff. Guaranteed 100% unpasteurized, organically sourced bad takes and unsanctioned internet rumors.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eForget institutional fact-checkers and sterilized corporate feeds. Real discourse happens in the gutter. Step into the shadows, open the trench coat, and browse a bespoke selection of high-grade, totally unverified claims designed to ruin family dinners and get you permanently suspended before Tuesday.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eContains zero (0) grams of journalistic integrity.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSourced entirely from private group chats and 3 AM forum threads.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSide effects may include a profound, irreversible disconnection from objective reality.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIssued by the Weird Castle Department of Black Market Epistemology.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePrinted on premium, weather-resistant vinyl, this durable waterproof decal is built to survive laptops, water bottles, and the total collapse of objective truth.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48062071177268,"sku":"14290663274626771122","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48062071210036,"sku":"15499291820280705134","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-premium-unverified-claims-sticker-0_a17871f3-7ae8-404c-9126-78f5c0aa858f.png?v=1785901639"},{"product_id":"premium-unverified-claims-tee","title":"Premium Unverified Claims Tee — Funny Internet Meme Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eWhy wait for a billionaire's algorithm to spoon-feed you brain rot when you can buy this funny graphic tee directly from a diseased rodent in an alleyway? The modern information economy is a beautiful, unregulated black market, and this guy is holding the premium stuff. Guaranteed 100% unpasteurized, organically sourced bad takes and unsanctioned internet rumors printed on a highly wearable cotton shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eForget institutional fact-checkers and sterilized corporate feeds. Real discourse happens in the gutter. Step into the shadows, open the trench coat, and browse a bespoke selection of high-grade, totally unverified claims designed to ruin family dinners and get you permanently suspended before Tuesday. The perfect gift for your most chronically online friend.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eContains zero (0) grams of journalistic integrity.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSourced entirely from private group chats and 3 AM forum threads.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSide effects may include a profound, irreversible disconnection from objective reality.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePremium unisex fit, because the truth is uncomfortable but your shirt shouldn't be.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIssued by the Weird Castle Department of Black Market Epistemology.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48062071275572,"sku":"24129291261518303605","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48062071308340,"sku":"30581351911809310464","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48062071341108,"sku":"29668525471233615651","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48062071373876,"sku":"84041824032911264137","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48062071406644,"sku":"27371127751536972506","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48062071439412,"sku":"66504255772347047756","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48062071472180,"sku":"19799217101024739703","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48062071504948,"sku":"85821559247310493292","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48062071537716,"sku":"25414016631362090714","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48062071570484,"sku":"10653406733236873831","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-premium-unverified-claims-tee-c0_c394c063-79f3-4e41-ab93-176b05c385d1.png?v=1785913648"},{"product_id":"still-processing-sticker","title":"Still Processing Bomb Bird Sticker - Funny Mental Health Decal","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou are doing the work. You are setting boundaries. You are holding space. Unfortunately, your feelings are a live cartoon explosive currently lodged in your upper GI tract. This scruffy avian is the exact avatar of the modern mental health journey: maintaining a dead-eyed, unblinking stare while digesting a literal bomb, calmly waiting for the inevitable catastrophic detonation while using the correct clinical vocabulary.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eStop letting lifestyle influencers tell you that deep breathing will fix the fact that you just swallowed a lit fuse. Perfect for the laptop or water bottle of someone vibrating with unexpressed panic but hiding it behind wellness buzzwords. Let the outside world know you are currently at capacity.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTHE FINE PRINT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDigestive tract rated for up to 50 megatons of suppressed rage.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMindfulness exercises will not extinguish the fuse.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot a substitute for professional explosive ordnance disposal.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBreathe in, breathe out, detonate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePremium thick vinyl sticker. Resists scratching, rain, sunlight, and the metaphorical shrapnel of everyday existence. Slap it on your emotional support water bottle.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48062791188532,"sku":"16446012181293032067","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48062791221300,"sku":"18627549711779242148","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-still-processing-sticker-0_d5537a65-bc28-4455-9dd2-1b910f46d5b7.png?v=1785902636"},{"product_id":"stay-informed-sticker","title":"Stay Informed — Funny Doomscrolling Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eA cheerful vinyl sticker nodding to the golden age of journalism, back when morning headlines didn't instantly trigger a cortisol spike that shaved three years off your lifespan. We replaced the Sunday edition with exactly what you consume every time you open a feed: a piping hot bag of unhinged, weaponized psychic waste hurled directly at your skull. Stick this existential dread decal on your laptop or water bottle as a reminder that ignorance is bliss, but the doom spiral is mandatory.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuaranteed to completely ruin your morning routine\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% locally sourced daily psychic damage\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Prolonged exposure to 'the discourse' will cause permanent brain rot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDurable vinyl decal perfect for laptops, bumpers, and water bottles\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eWaterproof, weatherproof, and fully prepared to survive the incoming apocalypse.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48063682084916,"sku":"42756028745486356704","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48063682117684,"sku":"17705806659221392938","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-stay-informed-sticker-0_70470c64-48f2-41c9-ba5b-002b5c7c443c.png?v=1785902929"},{"product_id":"stay-informed-tee","title":"Stay Informed Doomscrolling Shirt — Funny Psychic Damage Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eA cheerful nod to the golden age of journalism, back when the morning headlines didn't instantly trigger a cortisol spike that shaved three years off your lifespan. We put this nostalgic Americana on a premium graphic tee because we know what you're actually consuming every time you open a feed: a piping hot bag of unhinged, weaponized psychic waste hurled directly at your skull.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt is your civic duty to wear this funny doomscrolling shirt and internalize the horrors of the world before breakfast. Ignorance is bliss, but the daily doom spiral is mandatory.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuaranteed to completely ruin your morning routine\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% locally sourced daily psychic damage\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Prolonged exposure to 'the discourse' will cause permanent brain rot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIssued by Weird Castle Department of Information Warfare\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted on a ridiculously soft, comfortable unisex t-shirt. True to size, but size up if you need extra room for your existential dread.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48063682183220,"sku":"20500111654308696877","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48063682215988,"sku":"33343168899407827449","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48063682248756,"sku":"13168464843417050043","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48063682281524,"sku":"59133167342043530745","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48063682314292,"sku":"20532496229058367020","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48063682347060,"sku":"12003937310607951019","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48063682379828,"sku":"18746508482985240417","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48063682412596,"sku":"32804745987619803530","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48063682445364,"sku":"83047646427480102723","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48063682478132,"sku":"30398374731060286262","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-stay-informed-tee-c0_428f1f57-bd85-45b0-96e5-1de952a844a9.png?v=1785913886"},{"product_id":"still-unpacking-tee","title":"Still Unpacking — Funny Emotional Baggage \u0026 Therapy T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eEveryone has 'a lot to unpack' these days. It is the polite, sanitized buzzword you use to casually hint at your deep psychological damage over a $14 iced matcha. We decided to strip away the clinical euphemisms and put your trauma on a premium cotton t-shirt. Behold your new favorite mental health tee: a manic cardboard mascot violently ripping its own contents out of its skull.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eForget quiet journaling and pastel Instagram infographics. Self-improvement is a visceral, ugly, endless loop of hauling trash out of the basement of your own brain. Let everyone know that your emotional baggage isn't just a metaphor—it's an active, bleeding hostage situation loudly broadcast on a graphic t-shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOfficially certified by the Bureau of Weaponized Therapy-Speak.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuaranteed to make your next casual check-in highly uncomfortable.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDisclaimer: We are not licensed professionals and this funny therapy shirt will not fix you.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic unisex fit, 100% cotton—soft enough to sleep in when the existential dread hits.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48064022904884,"sku":"31889662634715215965","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48064022937652,"sku":"28442866080132615124","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48064022970420,"sku":"15458603342419721519","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48064023003188,"sku":"19639889887140302605","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48064023035956,"sku":"33197052878059205663","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48064023068724,"sku":"26711635357001639040","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48064023101492,"sku":"15091644351248808363","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48064023134260,"sku":"15313433283391406092","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48064023167028,"sku":"37250865054792043703","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48064023199796,"sku":"31107209390382668601","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-still-unpacking-tee-c0_fc77679f-3796-4bf6-a294-418a2eecb5cc.png?v=1785913975"},{"product_id":"currently-stable-sticker","title":"Currently Stable Sticker — Funny Mental Health Decal","description":"\u003cp\u003eHR wants to know if you are experiencing burnout. You tell them you are practicing mindfulness. In reality, your inner peace is a violent, high-stakes physical hostage situation between your raw sanity and the fragile membrane of your skull. This is the designated badge for the chronically online doomscroller whose daily equilibrium requires the exact same structural integrity as a deep-sea submersible.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a manic 1930s rubber-hose pressure cooker doing everything in its godforsaken power to keep the horrors contained. Let everyone in the morning stand-up know that your baseline state is not zen—it is a high-yield explosive event actively being suppressed by sheer, white-knuckled willpower. Please do not tap the glass.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWARNING: Structural integrity of owner is not guaranteed under the stress of minor inconveniences.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaintained via a strict regimen of iced coffee, SSRIs, and dissociative scrolling.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot a cry for help. Just a legally binding liability waiver for when the lid finally pops.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eThick, durable vinyl protects this premium sticker from scratching, rain, and the tears you cry in the office bathroom. Perfect for laptops, water bottles, and work notebooks.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48064025100340,"sku":"12289455805555580246","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48064025133108,"sku":"61771194936950595039","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-currently-stable-sticker-0_884f2a39-a5a3-48c5-b1e6-acd1d2d53020.png?v=1785903668"},{"product_id":"canned-fight-or-flight-cap","title":"Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Funny Possum Energy Drink Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou aren't going to backflip a dirtbike over a canyon. You are going to sit at a dual-monitor setup and vibrate until you mistake a Slack ping for a mild cardiac event. The extreme sports marketing is a lie; this is just liquid panic for the chronically online.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBehold the true mascot of modern caffeination: a feral trash marsupial operating at 180 beats per minute. We stripped away the neon tribal claws and tactical-grade branding to give you exactly what is inside the aluminum cylinder: raw, unadulterated existential dread.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMay cause spontaneous hyper-speed doomscrolling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eZero calories, infinite unregulated nervous system activity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot FDA approved for outrunning your own intrusive thoughts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eClassic unstructured 100% cotton dad hat with an adjustable strap. One size fits most over-caffeinated heads.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48066729017396,"sku":"28310978411031799731","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48066729050164,"sku":"61198838510451727503","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48066729082932,"sku":"32181388788575388447","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-canned-fight-or-flight-cap-c0_aadb2f2a-806a-4dc4-83f0-2c2956d76939.png?v=1785914123"},{"product_id":"canned-fight-or-flight-sticker","title":"Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Funny Possum Energy Drink Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou aren't going to backflip a dirtbike over a canyon. You are going to sit at a dual-monitor setup and vibrate until you mistake a Slack ping for a mild cardiac event. The extreme sports marketing is a lie; this funny vinyl sticker is just liquid panic for the chronically online.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBehold the true mascot of modern caffeination: a feral trash marsupial operating at 180 beats per minute. We stripped away the neon tribal claws and tactical-grade branding to give you exactly what is inside the aluminum cylinder: raw, unadulterated existential dread.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMay cause spontaneous hyper-speed doomscrolling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eZero calories, infinite unregulated nervous system activity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot FDA approved for outrunning your own intrusive thoughts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eThick, durable, and weather-resistant vinyl. Perfect for slapping on your laptop, water bottle, or whatever flat surface you aggressively stare at while vibrating at your desk.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48066729803828,"sku":"13179985447113449150","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48066729836596,"sku":"13795719244303095954","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-canned-fight-or-flight-sticker-0_eb4943fe-67d9-433e-8676-33639c496447.png?v=1785904207"},{"product_id":"canned-fight-or-flight-tee","title":"Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Funny Possum Energy Drink T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou aren't going to backflip a dirtbike over a canyon. You are going to sit at a dual-monitor setup and vibrate until you mistake a Slack ping for a mild cardiac event. The extreme sports marketing is a lie; this funny possum energy drink shirt represents exactly what is inside the aluminum cylinder: raw, unadulterated existential dread in the form of a feral trash marsupial operating at 180 beats per minute.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMay cause spontaneous hyper-speed doomscrolling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eZero calories, infinite unregulated nervous system activity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot FDA approved for outrunning your own intrusive thoughts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted on a premium, ultra-soft 100% cotton tee. True to size, so it fits perfectly while you vibrate through the space-time continuum. Fast shipping available.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48066729934900,"sku":"19919039111776414839","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48066729967668,"sku":"12228402181696180934","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48066730000436,"sku":"18279889803314738281","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48066730033204,"sku":"24501154267394764248","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48066730065972,"sku":"23257567963852637240","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48066730098740,"sku":"11873811287568813218","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48066730131508,"sku":"84282963363024839071","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48066730164276,"sku":"23971752507718209376","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48066730197044,"sku":"15078658278907426946","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48066730229812,"sku":"14525019509724304652","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-canned-fight-or-flight-tee-c0_45b4ecfa-f3a1-48e7-b502-3d30099f1d8c.png?v=1785914135"},{"product_id":"voluntary-capture-protocol-tee","title":"Voluntary Capture Protocol Tee - Funny Doomscrolling \u0026 UX Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe tech sector calls it 'user retention' and 'frictionless onboarding.' We prefer the clinical accuracy of a rusted, high-tension steel spring mechanism designed to violently sever the psychological ankle. You saw the jagged teeth. You saw the bones of the previous users. You still reached for the glowing rectangle.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA brutal monument to our daily, completely optional surrender. There is no rogue algorithm holding a gun to your head—just a meticulously engineered dopamine loop, a billion-dollar UX budget, and your own exhausted free will. Step right into the engagement zone with the ultimate doomscrolling graphic tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuaranteed 99.9% daily active user retention.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePlease keep physical appendages clear of the monetization matrix.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBy interacting with the glowing bait, you permanently waive your right to an internal monologue.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted on a premium, ultra-soft cotton t-shirt. True-to-size unisex fit, perfect for your next 14-hour screen time marathon.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48066732884020,"sku":"86502199004427554035","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48066732916788,"sku":"32978475568978903403","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48066732949556,"sku":"23643049049483363724","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48066732982324,"sku":"15529899101532388942","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48066733015092,"sku":"17216310709209938568","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48066733047860,"sku":"31671868594278182244","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48066733080628,"sku":"26237554565369373101","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48066733113396,"sku":"17585444561469475603","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48066733146164,"sku":"28360592580980530430","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48066733178932,"sku":"19096194260105678039","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-voluntary-capture-protocol-tee-c0_8a9b08a9-4f24-4510-a92f-6600af1c2470.png?v=1785914191"},{"product_id":"real-time-mortality-tracker-tee","title":"Real-Time Mortality Tracker — Funny Smartwatch T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey sold it to you as 'wellness optimization.' You bought it to biohack your way out of the inevitable. But let's be honest: you strapped a 24\/7 surveillance beacon to your wrist just to get high-definition alerts that your body is actively decaying. This funny smartwatch t-shirt is a tribute to your real-time mortality monitor, logging every ruined REM cycle and panic-induced stress spike as a beautifully terrifying bar chart.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePerfect for the chronically online specimen who needs a push notification to realize they are dying. Because nothing says 'health' quite like quantifying your existential dread down to the exact biometric decimal.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeart rate alerts triggered exclusively by reading the news\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSleep score mathematically proves you are fundamentally broken\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSyncs seamlessly with your impending sense of doom\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePrinted on a premium, breathable cotton blend that handles night sweats like a pro\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48068381376564,"sku":"28559967097732548147","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48068381409332,"sku":"74059847199911310153","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48068381442100,"sku":"12818880073171777033","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48068381474868,"sku":"20309026126434133528","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48068381507636,"sku":"26786240512187675931","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48068381540404,"sku":"30286113929659620159","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48068381573172,"sku":"30874040839464968972","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48068381605940,"sku":"32838610460914997085","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48068381638708,"sku":"85676610981932922541","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48068381671476,"sku":"30912252480257319283","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-real-time-mortality-tracker-tee-c0_1cd29d81-0827-4e7e-ae11-e226462daeed.png?v=1785914224"},{"product_id":"i-read-the-whole-thing","title":"I Read The Whole Thing Shirt — Chronically Online 1-of-1 Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eNobody reads it. You read it. Somewhere in a 10,000-word post he made on a Tuesday there was a phrase that was not for you, and you typed it into the search box anyway. This is for the chronically online lore-divers, terms-of-service truthers, and people who are cursed with the inability to just skim.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eOne of one:\u003c\/b\u003e Literally one was made. When it is gone we do not make another. That is a promise we are choosing to keep, not a limit of the printer.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eTarget demographic:\u003c\/b\u003e Doomscrollers, deep-divers, and professional comment section lurkers.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSocial effect:\u003c\/b\u003e People will ask what you read. Refuse to elaborate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted on a comfortable, 100% cotton classic unisex tee. Ships fast so you can get back to reading things that are none of your business.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48070389563444,"sku":"31703283917365719760","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48070389596212,"sku":"27056696007726332667","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S \/ Natural","offer_id":48070389628980,"sku":"32205886290790239787","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48070389661748,"sku":"33275619817272611283","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48070389694516,"sku":"68927886311818246994","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48070389727284,"sku":"76096560079127911228","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48070389760052,"sku":"31764001358324698611","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Natural","offer_id":48070389792820,"sku":"16190824878939860015","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48070389825588,"sku":"71077038006115273217","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48070389858356,"sku":"20949765703776590324","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48070389891124,"sku":"23933577729657784603","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48070389923892,"sku":"27350968178299957657","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L \/ Natural","offer_id":48070389956660,"sku":"28340684830685376484","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48070389989428,"sku":"20536739663929575197","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48070390022196,"sku":"20882392664858166253","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48070390054964,"sku":"19445859897489992746","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48070390087732,"sku":"12754439400905193114","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48070390120500,"sku":"18484937524953799170","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48070390153268,"sku":"20983157133596191000","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48070390186036,"sku":"99661369308447727600","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48070390218804,"sku":"31895896310009641434","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48070390251572,"sku":"77145162643825223443","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48070390284340,"sku":"51362813474379684500","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48070390317108,"sku":"21265707061929767101","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48070390349876,"sku":"11140166886705522154","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-i-read-the-whole-thing-c0_f516aeb3-f5f1-4d89-b6da-26497b3debad.png?v=1785914247"},{"product_id":"owner-upload-2026-08-05-tee-1","title":"Can I She\/Them — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eOwner Upload 2026-08-05\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48102479003700,"sku":"23502719012411979127","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48102479036468,"sku":"11157310357928164896","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Natural","offer_id":48102479069236,"sku":"20540694183111914793","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48102479102004,"sku":"22363887968145434657","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48102479134772,"sku":"51693009201797665702","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48102479167540,"sku":"12791636951680634508","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48102479200308,"sku":"12444098717097588222","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Natural","offer_id":48102479233076,"sku":"18443660792833688907","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48102479265844,"sku":"23465225372512128863","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48102479298612,"sku":"94906253511810391904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48102479331380,"sku":"63352931805384685943","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48102479364148,"sku":"79085246267134387148","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Natural","offer_id":48102479396916,"sku":"28199898695595160593","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48102479429684,"sku":"14096121902173869101","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48102479462452,"sku":"55598386623849970319","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48102479495220,"sku":"29126878562990496689","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48102479527988,"sku":"57300724549686884790","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48102479560756,"sku":"22271573270914298393","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48102479593524,"sku":"28865472151024044100","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48102479626292,"sku":"10457808955271632773","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48102479659060,"sku":"24886199187442601509","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48102479691828,"sku":"98517440534646373634","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48102479724596,"sku":"46748312727946523187","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48102479757364,"sku":"21673694205772168813","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48102479790132,"sku":"21841281717840112763","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/410098080627169791_2048.jpg?v=1785940275"}],"url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/collections\/department-of-grass-touching.oembed","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}