{"title":"Stickers","description":"\u003cp\u003eStickers for people who read the footnotes, screenshot the terms of service, and can't stop posting about it. Weird Castle stickers are deadpan-official documents, fake warning labels, unsanctioned seals of approval, blunt-force opinions, and satirical dispatches from the institutions that run your life — slapped flat onto 3-inch vinyl. Gag gifts for the chronically online, the terminally informed, the power-watchers, and anyone who needs to mark their laptop with something that will make a coworker silently stare and then quietly not ask. Each one has a specific target and says the quiet part out loud. No cute animals. No vibes. Just receipts.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThese are meme stickers with a thesis — absurdist merch that punches up at corporations, governments, billionaires, and the general architecture of the bit. Funny stickers for water bottles, laptop stickers for the politically unhinged, satirical decals for people who think 'disruptive' is a threat, not a pitch deck. If you've been looking for stickers that feel like a declassified memo stapled to a bathroom wall, welcome. Authorized personnel only.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"chronically-online-disaster-response-volunteer-cap-incident-69420-authorized-personnel-only-2","title":"CHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE VOLUNTEER CAP — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY","description":"\u003cp\u003eNo agency was coming for this one. Not FEMA, not the Red Cross, not anyone with a hotline or a casserole. When the disaster was \u003cem\u003ethe entire information environment collapsing into a slurry of death counts, meme discourse, and main-character events refreshing every four minutes\u003c\/em\u003e, you had to self-deploy. This cap is your official documentation. Embroidered seal. Incident number. Deployment date: March 2020. Status: \u003cstrong\u003eONGOING.\u003c\/strong\u003e You did not volunteer for this. You were volunteered by circumstance, by the algorithm, by a news cycle that never called for an all-clear. Wear it with the thousand-yard stare you earned.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eStructured dad hat, deadpan embroidered front patch reading \u003cstrong\u003eCHRONICALLY ONLINE DISASTER RESPONSE — INCIDENT #69420 — AUTHORIZED TO REFRESH UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE\u003c\/strong\u003e, fake agency seal on the side, incident classification on the back: \u003cem\u003ePSYCHIC MASS CASUALTY EVENT \/ ONGOING \/ NO ESTIMATED RESOLUTION DATE.\u003c\/em\u003e It reads exactly like a volunteer deployment cap right up until it doesn't. The double-take on a stranger's face is the entire point. You survived something real. The hat just says the quiet part in 6-panel structured twill.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAgency:\u003c\/strong\u003e Bureau of Chronically Online Disaster Management (BCODM) — est. March 13, 2020\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIncident Classification:\u003c\/strong\u003e Complex Multi-Platform Psychic Mass Casualty Event\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIncident #:\u003c\/strong\u003e 69420-DOOMSCROLL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDeployment Status:\u003c\/strong\u003e ACTIVE \/ NO DEMOBILIZATION DATE SET\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAuthorized Activities:\u003c\/strong\u003e Refreshing, quote-tweeting into the void, developing opinions about strangers, doomscrolling as civic duty\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBenefits Package:\u003c\/strong\u003e None. There is no benefits package. There was never a benefits package.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNext Briefing:\u003c\/strong\u003e Whenever something happens, which will be soon, which will be worse\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48002140241972,"sku":"41809777502900766935","price":3.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48002140274740,"sku":"29444883434330052001","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/733885917938270794_1200.jpg?v=1783572221"}],"url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/collections\/stickers.oembed","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}