{"title":"The Haunting Department","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe castle's home-turf holiday. Basement lore leaks upstairs all month and nobody upstairs acknowledges it. Printed to order, shipped with tracking, haunted only in the ways stated on the listing.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"my-first-necromancy-mug","title":"My First Necromancy Mug — Funny Toddler Toy Ouija Board","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey said early childhood development requires sensory play, object permanence, and piercing the veil of the afterlife. We took the indestructible, primary-colored plastic vibe of 1980s daycare centers and slapped it on a chunky ceramic gateway to the underworld. Complete with a graphic of an oversized, choke-safe planchette, this funny occult coffee mug proves that necromancy is really just mildly inconveniencing a deceased person. Keep the kids busy generating spectral foot-traffic, or just use it to resurrect your own tired soul with a strong dark roast.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAges 36 Months to Eternal Damnation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11oz ceramic mug for coffee, tea, or morning summoning rituals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\n\u003cli\u003eDisclaimer: Deceased relatives may critique your parenting style from beyond the grave\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eClassic C-handle white ceramic mug featuring vivid, durable printing. Ships securely packaged for a safe journey across the mortal plane.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCeramic mug. White durable ceramic. 11oz (0.33 l) and 15oz (0.44 l) sizes. C-handle. Glossy finish. Dye-sublimation print. Microwave and dishwasher safe.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":48098514698292,"sku":"23901125119309792812","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":48098514731060,"sku":"15493355696496638345","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-my-first-necromancy-mug-0_dfc6c53e-6163-40c0-bdd3-315d5cfaf712.png?v=1787991481"},{"product_id":"lift-here-doormat","title":"Lift Here Doormat — Funny Monster Under the Mat","description":"\u003cp\u003eMost welcome mats say \"Welcome.\" This one issues a vague, ominous command. What is under there? A spare key? A portal to the abyss? A sentient colony of porch beetles? Invite your guests to find out. It’s the perfect way to unnerve delivery drivers before they even ring the bell.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eExcellent for establishing dominance over the neighborhood\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not include whatever is currently scratching beneath it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eA highly suspicious housewarming gift for a weird friend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eIdeal for front doors, back patios, and covering up obvious trapdoors.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"24\" x 16\"","offer_id":48174442938420,"sku":"26011401049283906504","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-lift-here-doormat-0_17e60ea5-8f1e-49da-82a3-a9fc6fe21cc1.png?v=1787993850"},{"product_id":"transylvanian-lick-blanket","title":"Transylvanian Lick Vampire Blanket — Funny Dracula Throw","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe prince of darkness didn't cross oceans of time for your iron-deficient blood. He crossed them because you got sloppy and flashed a solid-gold Day-Date in the wrong part of Wallachia. The fog, the cape, and the hypnotic gaze are all just premium misdirection for a petty street mugging.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRendered in unapologetic 90s parking-lot bootleg glory, this funny vampire throw blanket takes the apex predator of gothic horror and reduces him to a common pickpocket with exceptional sleight of hand. Immortality is expensive, and castles do not heat themselves.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not reflect current Transylvanian street value\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarlic will not protect your jewelry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBite marks strictly used as a distraction technique\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe perfect gothic horror decor piece for your couch, crypt, or getaway vehicle.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"50\" × 60\"","offer_id":48237457539124,"sku":"14715742519041679466","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-transylvanian-lick-blanket-0_2a656bb0-099a-4e4d-9adf-5d7823e089cd.png?v=1787871592"},{"product_id":"transylvanian-lick-poster","title":"Transylvanian Lick — Funny Dracula Retro Poster","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe prince of darkness didn't cross oceans of time for your iron-deficient blood. He crossed them because you got sloppy and flashed a solid-gold Day-Date in the wrong part of Wallachia. The fog, the cape, and the hypnotic gaze are all just premium misdirection for a petty street mugging.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRendered in unapologetic 90s parking-lot bootleg glory, this funny Dracula poster takes the apex predator of gothic horror and reduces him to a common pickpocket with exceptional sleight of hand. Immortality is expensive, and castles do not heat themselves. A perfect piece of cursed wall art for anyone whose Venn diagram of vampire lore and street crime is a perfect circle.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not reflect current Transylvanian street value\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarlic will not protect your jewelry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBite marks strictly used as a distraction technique\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAn excellent gothic vampire gift that legally cannot break into your house\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"11″ x 14″","offer_id":48237457637428,"sku":"25238027503163725180","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"12\" x 18\"","offer_id":48237457670196,"sku":"13363655304167185304","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-transylvanian-lick-poster-0_b330540a-ae00-4049-94e4-c9332e9bb94b.png?v=1791464398"},{"product_id":"transylvanian-lick-canvas","title":"Transylvanian Lick — Funny Retro Dracula Wall Art","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe prince of darkness didn't cross oceans of time for your iron-deficient blood. He crossed them because you got sloppy and flashed a solid-gold Day-Date in the wrong part of Wallachia. The fog, the cape, and the hypnotic gaze are all just premium misdirection for a petty street mugging.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRendered in unapologetic 90s parking-lot bootleg glory, this funny gothic wall art takes the apex predator of horror and reduces him to a common pickpocket with exceptional sleight of hand. Immortality is expensive, and castles do not heat themselves, making this the perfect piece of spooky room decor for vampire enthusiasts and vintage meme connoisseurs.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not reflect current Transylvanian street value\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarlic will not protect your jewelry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBite marks strictly used as a distraction technique\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eAn elite addition to your crypt, office, or living room aesthetic.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"0.75'' \/ 11″ x 14″ (Vertical)","offer_id":48237457735732,"sku":"25574900806525430390","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"0.75'' \/ 12″ x 16″ (Vertical)","offer_id":48237457768500,"sku":"17203589244469580279","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"0.75'' \/ 16″ x 20″ (Vertical)","offer_id":48237457801268,"sku":"17866169436631021205","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-transylvanian-lick-canvas-0_c32d6578-b95d-4506-a1d8-b7bc4a08bd71.png?v=1791109009"},{"product_id":"big-box-hex-mug","title":"Cheerful Curses Mug — Funny Toys R Us Parody","description":"\u003cp\u003eFor those who drag the twelve-foot skeleton onto the lawn in mid-August and refuse to apologize. There is a very specific joy in delivering malevolent, bloodline-ending hexes with your morning coffee using the happiest, bounciest typography on earth. This spooky novelty mug confuses the target just long enough for the dark magic to take hold.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA vintage-marquee celebration of seasonal darkness, disguised in primary colors. 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There is a very specific joy in delivering malevolent, bloodline-ending hexes using the happiest, bounciest typography on earth. It confuses the target just long enough for the dark magic to take hold.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA cracked, vintage-marquee celebration of seasonal darkness, disguised in primary colors. 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A cursed backstage polaroid of pure cinematic degeneracy. This funny Tim Curry mashup mug captures the ultimate collision of his greatest triumphs, caught in the act of a deeply inappropriate Halloween boob-grab.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis isn't your standard spooky season nostalgia bait. This crude, visceral Rocky Horror and IT crossover violates the personal space of two entirely different fandoms at once. Perfect for ruining childhoods, baffling the locals, and firmly establishing that your morning coffee routine comes with a side of absolute, unhinged chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Fine Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWe will not pay for your therapy.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eZero red balloons or meatloaf included.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not attempt to explain this novelty gift to a police officer.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":50484192378932,"sku":"81732075029632340916","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":50484192411700,"sku":"20389189623614078794","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-curry-on-curry-backstage-grope-mug-0_7782f1a3-de80-437b-8faa-23e0908e48bc.png?v=1789929250"},{"product_id":"gourd-groping-mug","title":"Gourd Groping — Funny Skeleton Halloween Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome people celebrate the harvest by drinking spiced lattes or walking through a picturesque corn maze. We prefer to celebrate by having a reanimated corpse aggressively grope two seasonal squash directly on our morning coffee. It is the true reason for the season. This funny Halloween mug is the ultimate holiday multitasking: you are engaging in the rich cultural tradition of autumn while simultaneously participating in the rich cultural tradition of crude visual anatomy jokes. Finally, a festive piece that says, 'I love October, and I also respect a heavy handful.'\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Fine Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSkeletons do not respect personal boundaries.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePumpkins graded for density, heft, and structural integrity.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWill not protect you from actual graveyard incidents.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot an acceptable substitute for a clinical exam.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eAn ideal spooky season gag gift for anyone who likes their morning brew with a heavy dose of inappropriate undead behavior.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":50490054869044,"sku":"33694324487043197134","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":50490054901812,"sku":"11029819349229780519","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-gourd-groping-mug-0_28bfc2b0-f30c-4c92-833a-682b27461843.png?v=1790015627"},{"product_id":"america-runs-on-slaughter-mug","title":"America Runs On Slaughter Mug — Funny Dunkin' Donuts Parody","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou cannot just wake up at 5 AM, put on a weathered hockey mask, and start chasing teenagers through the woods on zero sleep. 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