{"product_id":"active-choking-hazard-tee","title":"Active Choking Hazard — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Consumer Product Safety Commission wants you to believe small parts are passive hazards waiting to be ingested. They are lying to you. The truth is that the small parts have been training, they recognize no weight classes, and they are actively looking to submit things ten times their size.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is a warning label for the ungovernable. A public notice that you are not a passive risk factor, but a disproportionate, feral menace. Let them underestimate your mass. You only need three seconds and a clear path to the carotid.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot suitable for children under 3 years, or anyone lacking basic takedown defense.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIn the event of a rear-naked choke from a synthetic polymer brick, tap out immediately.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWeird Castle Operations is not liable for structural damage caused by your feral asymmetry.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48085180940340,"sku":"10533799472987464109","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48085180973108,"sku":"80788437624727663956","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Natural","offer_id":48085181005876,"sku":"46260634143643166228","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48085181038644,"sku":"23173668589296250925","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48085181071412,"sku":"11411590089752370086","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48085181104180,"sku":"24905883850642502838","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48085181136948,"sku":"65092797530930498476","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Natural","offer_id":48085181169716,"sku":"10567944257019365775","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48085181202484,"sku":"23246192580626322546","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48085181235252,"sku":"29903598418065450658","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48085181268020,"sku":"25095212769252603332","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48085181300788,"sku":"73459418879039399789","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Natural","offer_id":48085181333556,"sku":"14806004030696013734","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48085181366324,"sku":"47718350693595208372","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48085181399092,"sku":"11898429040729822762","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48085181431860,"sku":"26634922053533064345","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48085181464628,"sku":"13022866678885148667","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48085181497396,"sku":"22603607006580573903","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48085181530164,"sku":"28720793723336848244","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48085181562932,"sku":"39767521530761788862","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48085181595700,"sku":"24744485684897121582","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48085181628468,"sku":"22499357637620450939","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48085181661236,"sku":"99474500991072671058","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48085181694004,"sku":"94834805248834800902","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48085181726772,"sku":"12386652448162031600","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/6673298148117899908_2048.jpg?v=1785487376","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/active-choking-hazard-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}