{"product_id":"canned-fight-or-flight-cap","title":"Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou aren't going to backflip a dirtbike over a canyon. You are going to sit at a dual-monitor setup and vibrate until you mistake a Slack ping for a mild cardiac event. The extreme sports marketing is a lie; this is just liquid panic for the chronically online.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBehold the true mascot of modern caffeination: a feral trash marsupial operating at 180 beats per minute. We stripped away the neon tribal claws and tactical-grade branding to give you exactly what is inside the aluminum cylinder: raw, unadulterated existential dread.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMay cause spontaneous hyper-speed doomscrolling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eZero calories, infinite unregulated nervous system activity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot FDA approved for outrunning your own intrusive thoughts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48066729017396,"sku":"28310978411031799731","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48066729050164,"sku":"61198838510451727503","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48066729082932,"sku":"32181388788575388447","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/7939377588990261726_2048.jpg?v=1785081240","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/canned-fight-or-flight-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}