{"product_id":"canned-fight-or-flight-sticker","title":"Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou aren't going to backflip a dirtbike over a canyon. You are going to sit at a dual-monitor setup and vibrate until you mistake a Slack ping for a mild cardiac event. The extreme sports marketing is a lie; this is just liquid panic for the chronically online.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBehold the true mascot of modern caffeination: a feral trash marsupial operating at 180 beats per minute. We stripped away the neon tribal claws and tactical-grade branding to give you exactly what is inside the aluminum cylinder: raw, unadulterated existential dread.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMay cause spontaneous hyper-speed doomscrolling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eZero calories, infinite unregulated nervous system activity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot FDA approved for outrunning your own intrusive thoughts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48066729803828,"sku":"13179985447113449150","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48066729836596,"sku":"13795719244303095954","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/15712670865089777145_1200.jpg?v=1785081259","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/canned-fight-or-flight-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}