{"product_id":"canned-fight-or-flight-tee","title":"Canned Fight-Or-Flight — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou aren't going to backflip a dirtbike over a canyon. You are going to sit at a dual-monitor setup and vibrate until you mistake a Slack ping for a mild cardiac event. The extreme sports marketing is a lie; this is just liquid panic for the chronically online.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBehold the true mascot of modern caffeination: a feral trash marsupial operating at 180 beats per minute. We stripped away the neon tribal claws and tactical-grade branding to give you exactly what is inside the aluminum cylinder: raw, unadulterated existential dread.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMay cause spontaneous hyper-speed doomscrolling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eZero calories, infinite unregulated nervous system activity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot FDA approved for outrunning your own intrusive thoughts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48066729934900,"sku":"19919039111776414839","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48066729967668,"sku":"12228402181696180934","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48066730000436,"sku":"18279889803314738281","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48066730033204,"sku":"24501154267394764248","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48066730065972,"sku":"23257567963852637240","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48066730098740,"sku":"11873811287568813218","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48066730131508,"sku":"84282963363024839071","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48066730164276,"sku":"23971752507718209376","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48066730197044,"sku":"15078658278907426946","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48066730229812,"sku":"14525019509724304652","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/6210192748244622260_2048.jpg?v=1785081267","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/canned-fight-or-flight-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}