{"product_id":"confidence-rx-sticker","title":"CONFIDENCE (Rx) — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eOne amber bottle. One white label. All the legitimacy of a LinkedIn post about 4 a.m. wake-up calls. \u003cem\u003eConfidence\u003c\/em\u003e has been clinically indicated for Chronic Unfounded Self-Belief and is now available — finally — through Meritocracy Health Systems, LLC, the only healthcare provider whose entire business model is getting you to buy more of the product it convinced you that you lacked.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNot a metaphor. Not a joke. A genuine pharmaceutical artifact from the institution that has been dosing you since the first time someone told you the only difference between you and Elon Musk was \u003cem\u003emindset\u003c\/em\u003e. Take as directed. Refills are non-negotiable. The market has spoken.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIndicated for:\u003c\/strong\u003e Chronic Unfounded Self-Belief, Pitch Deck Grandiosity, Podcast Host Syndrome\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDispensed by:\u003c\/strong\u003e Meritocracy Health Systems, LLC — \u003cem\u003eWe Don't Make the Rules, We Just Monetize Them™\u003c\/em\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSide effects may include:\u003c\/strong\u003e aggressive journaling, unsolicited mentorship, founding a fintech startup\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWarning:\u003c\/strong\u003e Do not combine with actual structural critique — may cause product to stop working entirely\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDosage:\u003c\/strong\u003e One TED Talk every 72 hours, or until the severance runs out\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNot covered by insurance.\u003c\/strong\u003e Nothing real ever is.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48051030851636,"sku":"46465407274852324216","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48051030884404,"sku":"16528416167036069610","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/1820393970604675753_1200.jpg?v=1784622527","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/confidence-rx-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}