{"product_id":"court-ordered-homebody-hoodie","title":"Court-Ordered Homebody — Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome people stay in because they love streaming, scented candles, and cozy blankets. You stay in because a municipal judge determined you are a severe flight risk with a penchant for grand larceny. Either way, domestic bliss is no longer a lifestyle choice—it is a legally binding mandate.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMeet your new best friend: three pounds of tamper-proof, state-issued plastic that literally refuses to leave your side. It gently buzzes when you think about crossing county lines and rigorously enforces your evening curfew. Who needs a clingy partner when the justice system cares this much about your exact GPS coordinates?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot a pedometer, so stop asking how many steps you took pacing the living room.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWater-resistant up to the exact limit of your probation officer's patience.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eVibrates aggressively when exposed to airports, liquor stores, or international waters.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Maroon","offer_id":48165392384052,"sku":"11378947476972359803","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48165392416820,"sku":"30384955052167141270","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48165392449588,"sku":"16962472850167106487","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48165392482356,"sku":"19917099960093139737","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Maroon","offer_id":48165392515124,"sku":"24169413039805113962","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48165392547892,"sku":"23115628666455304939","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48165392580660,"sku":"28957101052079603216","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48165392613428,"sku":"91587784326396093148","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Maroon","offer_id":48165392646196,"sku":"84847134273343518436","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48165392678964,"sku":"25117118863914529026","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48165392711732,"sku":"33339497163835442783","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48165392744500,"sku":"15657072671366644980","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48165392777268,"sku":"14980802590051918942","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48165392810036,"sku":"29206515864290850233","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48165392842804,"sku":"21970262540433147907","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48165392875572,"sku":"10929531054206566729","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48165392908340,"sku":"24222206706698510605","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48165392941108,"sku":"23790033375542392717","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48165392973876,"sku":"28445920844678293492","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48165393006644,"sku":"91468980109549994826","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-plate_765ea381-d75f-4dc0-b953-7b41b6155cf1.png?v=1786798290","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/court-ordered-homebody-hoodie","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}