{"product_id":"court-ordered-homebody-sticker","title":"Court-Ordered Homebody — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome people stay in because they love streaming, scented candles, and cozy blankets. You stay in because a municipal judge determined you are a severe flight risk with a penchant for grand larceny. Either way, domestic bliss is no longer a lifestyle choice—it is a legally binding mandate.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMeet your new best friend: three pounds of tamper-proof, state-issued plastic that literally refuses to leave your side. It gently buzzes when you think about crossing county lines and rigorously enforces your evening curfew. Who needs a clingy partner when the justice system cares this much about your exact GPS coordinates?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNot a pedometer, so stop asking how many steps you took pacing the living room.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWater-resistant up to the exact limit of your probation officer's patience.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eVibrates aggressively when exposed to airports, liquor stores, or international waters.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48165392285748,"sku":"27710378956527941565","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48165392318516,"sku":"25867539271669078141","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-plate_bc961b27-a7ca-46cc-95f5-6032879456ce.png?v=1786798293","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/court-ordered-homebody-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}