{"product_id":"deferred-maintenance-cap","title":"Deferred Maintenance — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eCities and slumlords use the term 'deferred maintenance' when a bridge or a load-bearing wall is about thirty seconds away from a catastrophic localized event. We thought it was time to apply that same level of gross civic negligence to the human body.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a heavily compromised crash test dummy held together by industrial tape, spite, and a stubborn refusal to schedule a physical. You aren't mysterious, and you aren't cursed. You are simply a depreciating asset whose internal infrastructure budget was quietly slashed in 2016.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLoad-bearing duct tape is not a medically recognized substitute for serotonin.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCurrent structural integrity: thoughts, prayers, and spite.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not inspect under the hood (it is entirely microplastics and cortisol).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48064022773812,"sku":"12618544886544952737","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48064022806580,"sku":"23405178754148573760","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48064022839348,"sku":"17718268550563944674","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/17736426270932049568_2048.jpg?v=1784986980","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/deferred-maintenance-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}