{"product_id":"exposed-bone-polish-cap","title":"Exposed Bone Polish — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou have pieces of your actual skeleton hanging out of your face in a damp, bacteria-filled cavern, and if you do not aggressively scrub them twice a day, they will rot and fall out of your head. It is time we stop pretending this is a gentle, minty morning ritual. This is grueling industrial hardware maintenance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDitch the soft plastic tubes and the euphemisms. We packaged a premium abrasive compound in a heavy-duty automotive shop tin because you are, at your core, just a decaying meat vehicle trying to keep your skull-rocks from rusting. Keep your exposed structural calcium shining like a classic chassis.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIndustrial-grade abrasive for structural facial calcium\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMint flavor permanently replaced with 'Shop Floor Degreaser'\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eApply with a heavy-duty wire brush or standard issue bristle-stick\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIf structural rotting persists, consult your authorized skeleton mechanic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48095421399092,"sku":"14127846804412490725","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48095421431860,"sku":"96211739996464691035","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48095421464628,"sku":"28979971770295313667","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/426223621487102301_2048.jpg?v=1785740127","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/exposed-bone-polish-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}