{"product_id":"exposed-bone-polish-hoodie","title":"Exposed Bone Polish — Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou have pieces of your actual skeleton hanging out of your face in a damp, bacteria-filled cavern, and if you do not aggressively scrub them twice a day, they will rot and fall out of your head. It is time we stop pretending this is a gentle, minty morning ritual. This is grueling industrial hardware maintenance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDitch the soft plastic tubes and the euphemisms. We packaged a premium abrasive compound in a heavy-duty automotive shop tin because you are, at your core, just a decaying meat vehicle trying to keep your skull-rocks from rusting. Keep your exposed structural calcium shining like a classic chassis.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIndustrial-grade abrasive for structural facial calcium\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMint flavor permanently replaced with 'Shop Floor Degreaser'\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eApply with a heavy-duty wire brush or standard issue bristle-stick\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIf structural rotting persists, consult your authorized skeleton mechanic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Maroon","offer_id":48095421530164,"sku":"49956313284092109186","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48095421562932,"sku":"11388543279400204939","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48095421595700,"sku":"92454185219994683304","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48095421628468,"sku":"28153204941101942711","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Maroon","offer_id":48095421661236,"sku":"33866532048907753689","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48095421694004,"sku":"40577064005643147965","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48095421726772,"sku":"12011790899279777210","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48095421759540,"sku":"27544473614287804657","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Maroon","offer_id":48095421792308,"sku":"33569294635660273068","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48095421825076,"sku":"14625761554721829837","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48095421857844,"sku":"30936345332326494542","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48095421890612,"sku":"22856035898402331496","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48095421923380,"sku":"32302345343758171264","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48095421956148,"sku":"87586270054734613409","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48095421988916,"sku":"21247408222123227596","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48095422021684,"sku":"32599820697119437322","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48095422054452,"sku":"22548552928846035940","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48095422087220,"sku":"15453444956806537683","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48095422119988,"sku":"23791946638008148462","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48095422152756,"sku":"26859797798419529813","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/1266543104972623848_2048.jpg?v=1785740132","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/exposed-bone-polish-hoodie","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}