{"product_id":"festive-beating-receptacle-cap","title":"Festive Beating Receptacle — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eLook at you. Bright, colorful, and strung up by the neck so everyone can take turns swinging a wooden bat at your vital organs until you rupture and spill cheap garbage onto the lawn. Happy birthday.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor anyone whose core function in the modern economy is just absorbing blunt force trauma with a painted-on smile. You are a hollow papier-mâché vessel of existential dread. Wear the truth, and let the universe know you are in the optimal position to receive the stick.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not contain high-quality candy, mostly just microplastics and dread\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Wearer will burst open after three to five mandatory fun events\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not spin wearer before striking, they are already severely disoriented\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48087043538996,"sku":"30042979799526092024","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48087043571764,"sku":"69604393838755870873","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48087043604532,"sku":"27215356436023290630","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/18411114545936673595_2048.jpg?v=1785500858","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/festive-beating-receptacle-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}