{"product_id":"festive-beating-receptacle-hoodie","title":"Festive Beating Receptacle — Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eLook at you. Bright, colorful, and strung up by the neck so everyone can take turns swinging a wooden bat at your vital organs until you rupture and spill cheap garbage onto the lawn. Happy birthday.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor anyone whose core function in the modern economy is just absorbing blunt force trauma with a painted-on smile. You are a hollow papier-mâché vessel of existential dread. Wear the truth, and let the universe know you are in the optimal position to receive the stick.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not contain high-quality candy, mostly just microplastics and dread\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Wearer will burst open after three to five mandatory fun events\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not spin wearer before striking, they are already severely disoriented\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Maroon","offer_id":48087043899444,"sku":"24146730734048584391","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48087043932212,"sku":"11685357341815866192","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48087043964980,"sku":"16141413951674049033","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48087043997748,"sku":"20022964252635400515","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Maroon","offer_id":48087044030516,"sku":"22227704171854423183","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48087044063284,"sku":"15384377164069269053","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48087044096052,"sku":"13640605109288389975","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48087044128820,"sku":"94077579798237308272","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Maroon","offer_id":48087044161588,"sku":"14939667449840663604","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48087044194356,"sku":"31092709340232334389","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48087044227124,"sku":"16391773791073845082","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48087044259892,"sku":"26739667216800834877","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48087044292660,"sku":"28957723745463348088","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48087044325428,"sku":"21041392128469344771","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48087044358196,"sku":"52606782624498028649","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48087044390964,"sku":"30566366331960258466","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48087044423732,"sku":"18636375394693361751","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48087044456500,"sku":"57068338451781715573","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48087044489268,"sku":"22031503192804397893","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48087044522036,"sku":"13055169593227792724","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/7049175691761332942_2048.jpg?v=1785500882","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/festive-beating-receptacle-hoodie","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}