{"product_id":"festive-beating-receptacle-tee","title":"Festive Beating Receptacle — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eLook at you. Bright, colorful, and strung up by the neck so everyone can take turns swinging a wooden bat at your vital organs until you rupture and spill cheap garbage onto the lawn. Happy birthday.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor anyone whose core function in the modern economy is just absorbing blunt force trauma with a painted-on smile. You are a hollow papier-mâché vessel of existential dread. Wear the truth, and let the universe know you are in the optimal position to receive the stick.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not contain high-quality candy, mostly just microplastics and dread\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Wearer will burst open after three to five mandatory fun events\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not spin wearer before striking, they are already severely disoriented\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48087044685876,"sku":"13513451541745538359","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48087044718644,"sku":"32081518656114441711","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Natural","offer_id":48087044751412,"sku":"30743764093434380656","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48087044784180,"sku":"17722539506770586426","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48087044816948,"sku":"31184765938965924735","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48087044849716,"sku":"13610323475343066827","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48087044882484,"sku":"25604961465954757337","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Natural","offer_id":48087044915252,"sku":"13880106894183760472","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48087044948020,"sku":"28760414788564904504","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48087044980788,"sku":"15833126375083086616","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48087045013556,"sku":"17071106997973415654","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48087045046324,"sku":"85768398690061381680","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Natural","offer_id":48087045079092,"sku":"36465199215236244412","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48087045111860,"sku":"25091518601771001593","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48087045144628,"sku":"33857191733308316839","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48087045177396,"sku":"23501576135314814967","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48087045210164,"sku":"22052449388770505796","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48087045242932,"sku":"32168601042372715336","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48087045275700,"sku":"30748528039882102703","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48087045308468,"sku":"20700592326073556028","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":48087045341236,"sku":"32932255376775776342","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48087045374004,"sku":"27326152543000379184","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Natural","offer_id":48087045406772,"sku":"29107399342691713903","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48087045439540,"sku":"25377653780714438625","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48087045472308,"sku":"11622587826320105738","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/12397600724201142621_2048.jpg?v=1785500893","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/festive-beating-receptacle-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}