{"product_id":"ficus-dentata-blanket","title":"Ficus Dentata — Blanket","description":"\u003cp\u003eBeing a plant parent isn't just a hobby, it's a lifestyle of constant, quiet terror. There is nothing quite like the morning ritual of misting the terracotta, softly whispering words of affirmation, and watching the raw pink gums throb as a fresh adult molar finally crowns through the potting soil.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSure, monsteras and succulents are easier to propagate, but they don't chatter affectionately when there's a draft in the apartment. Perfect for the dedicated indoor gardener who knows that real domestic bliss requires patience, indirect sunlight, and exactly sixty-two yards of waxed mint floss every fortnight.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRequires twice-daily brushing and a fluoride drip\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not place near sleeping pets or unsupervised fingers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSpontaneous bleeding indicates poor drainage\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMay attempt to swallow weaker, less carnivorous houseplants\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"50\" × 60\"","offer_id":48315901739060,"sku":"27065145602368824169","price":79.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/9096297989066809342_2048.jpg?v=1788979945","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/ficus-dentata-blanket","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}