{"product_id":"firstborn-for-ranch-sticker-dressing-midwest-bad-parenting-child","title":"firstborn for ranch Sticker — Dressing Midwest Bad Parenting Child","description":"\u003cp\u003eLook, kids are expensive, loud, and constantly need attention. A one-liter bottle of original buttermilk ranch dressing is creamy, versatile, and never asks you to explain long division. It is simple economics. We all know someone who treats the white gold like a beverage, and we all know someone who probably should not have reproduced. This just brings those two demographics together for a beautiful, savory transaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePerfect for family reunions, baby showers, or that one midwestern restaurant that still has the nerve to charge fifty cents for extra sauce. Let the world know exactly where your priorities lie and what your genetic legacy is actually worth on the open condiment market.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ethe fine print:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAll child-to-condiment exchanges are final.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not include baby carrots, celery sticks, or a custody lawyer.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePlease ensure the toddler has a basic understanding of farm chores prior to transfer.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWeird Castle is not responsible for the plummeting resale value of your bloodline.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":67672867668020,"sku":"18216958646415356428","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":67672867700788,"sku":"15651489496915600550","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-firstborn-for-ranch-sticker-dressing-midwest-bad-parenting-child-0_4bb3ae10-33b8-4c3e-9816-24ecd330a6e5.png?v=1792002800","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/firstborn-for-ranch-sticker-dressing-midwest-bad-parenting-child","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}