{"product_id":"grade-a-american-mug","title":"GRADE A AMERICAN — Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003eCongratulations. After a thorough federal inspection, you have been stamped, certified, and approved for domestic consumption. Inspector Nobody In Particular has reviewed your full composition — your hopes, your cortisol levels, your coping mechanisms, your willingness to keep going — and is pleased to confirm: you are, by all official metrics, \u003cem\u003efine\u003c\/em\u003e. Grade A. No recalls pending. The system works.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe rubber-hose inspector grins. He always grins. His stamp never stops coming down. Somewhere in a USDA field office that doesn't exist, a bureaucrat who answers to no one is certifying that everything you're experiencing is within acceptable tolerances. This is not an accusation. This is a credential. Wear it like you earned it, because apparently you passed.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eInspected By:\u003c\/strong\u003e Nobody In Particular, GS-7\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eGrade:\u003c\/strong\u003e A (American)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eContains:\u003c\/strong\u003e Trace Amounts of Hope\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFederally Mandated Optimism:\u003c\/strong\u003e Guaranteed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eKnown Side Effects:\u003c\/strong\u003e Productivity, Compliance, Occasional Despair (within normal range)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRecall Status:\u003c\/strong\u003e None Issued At This Time\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBest By:\u003c\/strong\u003e Whenever This Stops Being Funny\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":48027616510004,"sku":"95023735429118740509","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/13625337581218848089_2048.jpg?v=1783896253","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/grade-a-american-mug","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}