{"product_id":"i-doxxed-earth-cap","title":"I Doxxed Earth — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eIn 1977, a bunch of Ivy League optimists strapped a literal map of Earth to the Voyager probe and fired it blindly into the dark forest of the cosmos. Now, as the inevitable, unspeakable cosmic horrors finally decipher our coordinates and warm up their world-crackers, at least someone is taking accountability.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis vintage rubber-hose pioneer is stepping up to cheerfully admit it made a severe and continued lapse in judgment. Wear it while staring at the night sky and waiting for the harvest. It is not paranoia if we literally handed out our home address to the void on a gold-plated mixtape.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% chance of impending extraterrestrial foreclosure\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eChuck Berry will not save you from the orbital lasers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe Golden Record translates roughly to 'come and get it'\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWe apologize for the inconvenience of total planetary annihilation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48098489204788,"sku":"31976288248875029860","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48098489237556,"sku":"23084211208375036505","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48098489270324,"sku":"15696175723568833568","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-plate_408063db-8e2a-424b-ae40-b3475027e57f.png?v=1785835951","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/i-doxxed-earth-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}