{"product_id":"lactose-intolerance-gang-war-blanket","title":"Lactose Intolerance Gang War — Blanket","description":"\u003cp\u003eYour gastrointestinal tract is a warzone, and a sentient wedge of cheddar just authorized a hit on your lower intestine. We took the lamest, most apologizing-at-a-dinner-party biological weakness on earth and gave it the iced-out, hyper-violent 90s bootleg tribute it deserves.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWatch in horror as cheerful 1930s rubber-hose dairy products ruthlessly jump an unsuspecting human stomach, backed by aggressive typography that demands respect. You don't have a dietary restriction, you have active beef with the entire agricultural sector.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe beef:\u003c\/strong\u003e Strictly pasteurized.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe opps:\u003c\/strong\u003e A two-percent milk jug holding a crowbar.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe fallout:\u003c\/strong\u003e A biological drive-by in a poorly ventilated public restroom.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"50\" × 60\"","offer_id":48315904393268,"sku":"48874755960559408121","price":79.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/4742879742732983792_2048.jpg?v=1788980066","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/lactose-intolerance-gang-war-blanket","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}