{"product_id":"liquid-asset-sticker","title":"Liquid Asset — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eFiat currency is a hallucination and index funds are for cowards. The true alpha operators are hedging against the economic collapse by stockpiling scalding, highly processed yellow polymers from the 4 AM pump station.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA brutal typographical mapping of finance-bro self-importance onto the grim suburban reality of styrofoam-cup nacho cheese. Because when the markets finally burn to the ground, synthetic dairy is the only asset class guaranteed to maintain its exact, unnatural viscosity.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePortfolio diversification via neon yellow sludge\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMelt point: undefined by current FDA metrics\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStore at room temperature indefinitely for maximum compounding yield\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIssued by the Weird Castle Department of Alternative Wealth\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48063682609204,"sku":"24901672307797896381","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48063682641972,"sku":"32893116601003726617","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/4163734558323032503_1200.jpg?v=1784953643","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/liquid-asset-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}