{"product_id":"liquid-asset-tee","title":"Liquid Asset — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eFiat currency is a hallucination and index funds are for cowards. The true alpha operators are hedging against the economic collapse by stockpiling scalding, highly processed yellow polymers from the 4 AM pump station.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA brutal typographical mapping of finance-bro self-importance onto the grim suburban reality of styrofoam-cup nacho cheese. Because when the markets finally burn to the ground, synthetic dairy is the only asset class guaranteed to maintain its exact, unnatural viscosity.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePortfolio diversification via neon yellow sludge\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMelt point: undefined by current FDA metrics\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStore at room temperature indefinitely for maximum compounding yield\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIssued by the Weird Castle Department of Alternative Wealth\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48063682707508,"sku":"25232642189842066108","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48063682740276,"sku":"16227650446119965094","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48063682773044,"sku":"11410148247334767590","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48063682805812,"sku":"21283461999726830828","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48063682838580,"sku":"11966002600339230657","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48063682871348,"sku":"13360487974750074231","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48063682904116,"sku":"22758783589250143507","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48063682936884,"sku":"20242774886990716381","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48063682969652,"sku":"33236663412740423645","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48063683002420,"sku":"83509810648371516526","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/14487411234774810215_2048.jpg?v=1784953651","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/liquid-asset-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}