{"product_id":"my-first-necromancy-sticker","title":"My First Necromancy — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey said early childhood development requires sensory play, object permanence, and piercing the veil of the afterlife. We took the indestructible, hyper-safe, primary-colored plastic of 1980s daycare centers and molded it into a chunky gateway to the underworld. Why let them wait until their twenties to confront the howling void when they can drag souls back from the abyss before they are potty trained?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eComplete with a choke-safe, oversized planchette perfectly molded for sticky little hands. The giant bubbly letters spell out its exact function: BOTHERING THE DEAD. Stripped of gothic horror, necromancy is really just mildly inconveniencing a deceased person—which perfectly mirrors the chaotic, ear-piercing function of every other plastic toy in your house. Keep them busy while generating spectral foot-traffic.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAges 36 Months to Eternal Damnation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not use to contact un-optimized historical figures\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eChoking hazard: Do not ingest ectoplasm\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWipe clean with bleach and sage\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDisclaimer: Deceased relatives may critique your parenting style\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48098514894900,"sku":"11338595955029313100","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48098514927668,"sku":"27908704485145550062","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-plate_1c4dbdfb-15d7-4cd1-b982-ab58bd07b229.png?v=1785836442","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/my-first-necromancy-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}