{"product_id":"old-no-7-toaster-pastries-t-shirt-funny-pop-tarts","title":"Old No. 7 Toaster Pastries T-Shirt — Funny Pop-Tarts","description":"\u003cp\u003eThey say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, which is why we have streamlined the process of waking up and giving up into one convenient foil packet. Forget the coffee pot; nothing cuts through the bleak reality of a Tuesday morning commute like artificially flavored brown liquor sealed inside a chalky crust of frosted sugar.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePerfect for the functioning professional who needs their empty calories and their coping mechanisms delivered simultaneously. Pop it in the toaster, let that intoxicating aroma fill the breakroom, and maintain aggressive eye contact with HR while you chew.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eContains zero percent actual whiskey, one hundred percent emotional resonance\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not operate heavy machinery after the third pastry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePart of a complete breakfast, assuming the rest of the breakfast is a cigarette\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHR is already typing the email\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":67689998254132,"sku":"67518891913857478908","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":67689998286900,"sku":"41011548756292349880","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Red","offer_id":67689998319668,"sku":"24451821016379910762","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ True Royal","offer_id":67689998352436,"sku":"40151260524652556584","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":67689998385204,"sku":"19349466107392928266","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":67689998417972,"sku":"26147397594500431640","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":67689998450740,"sku":"31422145172051510088","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Red","offer_id":67689998483508,"sku":"16489157455981413001","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ True Royal","offer_id":67689998516276,"sku":"18500549828361558646","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":67689998549044,"sku":"38259495892591995060","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":67689998581812,"sku":"11087501184408316042","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":67689998614580,"sku":"28525390333090636788","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Red","offer_id":67689998647348,"sku":"26748462073689401510","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ True Royal","offer_id":67689998680116,"sku":"11744021449507404802","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":67689998712884,"sku":"52608399556698488243","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":67689998745652,"sku":"27431396432787529047","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":67689998778420,"sku":"33181627310393454899","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Red","offer_id":67689998811188,"sku":"27125393474274192645","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ True Royal","offer_id":67689998843956,"sku":"16608888651724774034","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":67689998876724,"sku":"45000774277142547567","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":67689998909492,"sku":"53778169082373824564","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":67689998942260,"sku":"11499573147690926962","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Red","offer_id":67689998975028,"sku":"73999604133366052885","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ True Royal","offer_id":67689999007796,"sku":"14140342990741699737","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":67689999040564,"sku":"30707969381164574054","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-old-no-7-toaster-pastries-t-shirt-funny-pop-tarts-0_e198d381-842d-476c-87eb-9d377b8571c5.png?v=1791692730","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/old-no-7-toaster-pastries-t-shirt-funny-pop-tarts","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}