{"product_id":"polymer-petes-permanent-bloodstream-residency-cap","title":"Polymer Pete's Permanent Bloodstream Residency — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eMeet Polymer Pete, the cheerful, legally-mandated mascot of the late-stage industrial doomscape! He is bright, he is colorful, and he is currently coursing through your brain fluid and major organs. Remember when mega-corporations told us recycling was our personal responsibility while they pumped trillions of immortal plastic particles into the biosphere? Pete does! And he loves his new home inside your cells.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThere is no detox protocol. There is no juice cleanse. You are a walking, breathing Tupperware container now. Celebrate the irreversible contamination of your own biological vessel with a vintage 90s-style corporate mascot who will outlive you, your descendants, and the sun.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% guaranteed to successfully cross the blood-brain barrier\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSponsored by the board members who definitely knew about this in 1974\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eA proud, permanent partner of your collapsing endocrine system\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCannot be sweat out, prayed away, or voted against\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48062098079796,"sku":"97292764226896214817","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48062098112564,"sku":"17594635169438921461","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48062098145332,"sku":"22240827160253403798","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/5045302838609468979_2048.jpg?v=1784874007","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/polymer-petes-permanent-bloodstream-residency-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}