{"product_id":"polymer-petes-permanent-bloodstream-residency-tee","title":"Polymer Pete's Permanent Bloodstream Residency — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eMeet Polymer Pete, the cheerful, legally-mandated mascot of the late-stage industrial doomscape! He is bright, he is colorful, and he is currently coursing through your brain fluid and major organs. Remember when mega-corporations told us recycling was our personal responsibility while they pumped trillions of immortal plastic particles into the biosphere? Pete does! And he loves his new home inside your cells.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThere is no detox protocol. There is no juice cleanse. You are a walking, breathing Tupperware container now. Celebrate the irreversible contamination of your own biological vessel with a vintage 90s-style corporate mascot who will outlive you, your descendants, and the sun.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% guaranteed to successfully cross the blood-brain barrier\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSponsored by the board members who definitely knew about this in 1974\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eA proud, permanent partner of your collapsing endocrine system\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCannot be sweat out, prayed away, or voted against\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48062098374708,"sku":"15734250055522520037","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48062098407476,"sku":"56009904988971410518","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48062098440244,"sku":"33039349478156113209","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48062098473012,"sku":"15329718518894598242","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48062098505780,"sku":"31598037891003707232","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48062098538548,"sku":"26607536360950422397","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48062098571316,"sku":"29572885578475213862","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48062098604084,"sku":"38968322228054992665","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48062098636852,"sku":"11873951850089303223","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48062098669620,"sku":"14894917539635947350","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/1752612145685199928_2048.jpg?v=1784874020","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/polymer-petes-permanent-bloodstream-residency-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}