{"product_id":"processing-your-claim-sticker","title":"Processing Your Claim — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eIn the grand tradition of mid-century government pamphlets that explained everything would be fine, we present a sincere and fully authorized update on your retirement situation. A cheerful rubber-hose office drone — grinning, pie-eyed, committed to the bit — hands a crumbling brick labeled \u003cstrong\u003eYOUR FUTURE\u003c\/strong\u003e to a skeleton seated at a desk marked \u003cstrong\u003eSOCIAL SECURITY\u003c\/strong\u003e. The skeleton is listening. The skeleton has always been listening. Caption reads: \u003cem\u003ePROCESSING YOUR CLAIM.\u003c\/em\u003e The visual language says 1952. The content says read the actuarial tables.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is not a complaint. This is a receipt. Wear it to your financial advisor's office. Wear it to your parents' financial advisor's office. Wear it while explaining to a 22-year-old that yes, they are technically paying into this right now. The artwork does not editorialize. It simply mirrors the system back at you with a sincere grin and zero apology, which is exactly what the system does.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClaim No.:\u003c\/strong\u003e 000-00-0000\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClaimant Status:\u003c\/strong\u003e Optimistic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClaim Type:\u003c\/strong\u003e Retirement \/ Dignity \/ Basic Continuity of Self\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEstimated Processing Time:\u003c\/strong\u003e Longer Than You Have\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eExpected Resolution:\u003c\/strong\u003e After You Stop Needing It\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCurrent Queue Position:\u003c\/strong\u003e Behind Several Discretionary Defense Appropriations\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThis Message Approved By:\u003c\/strong\u003e An Agency That Will Be Renamed Before You Collect\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48027614937140,"sku":"20462909965944984294","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48027614969908,"sku":"90778307465284681025","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/2056738613489395371_1200.jpg?v=1783896199","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/processing-your-claim-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}