{"product_id":"processing-your-claim-tee","title":"Processing Your Claim — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eIn the grand tradition of mid-century government pamphlets that explained everything would be fine, we present a sincere and fully authorized update on your retirement situation. A cheerful rubber-hose office drone — grinning, pie-eyed, committed to the bit — hands a crumbling brick labeled \u003cstrong\u003eYOUR FUTURE\u003c\/strong\u003e to a skeleton seated at a desk marked \u003cstrong\u003eSOCIAL SECURITY\u003c\/strong\u003e. The skeleton is listening. The skeleton has always been listening. Caption reads: \u003cem\u003ePROCESSING YOUR CLAIM.\u003c\/em\u003e The visual language says 1952. The content says read the actuarial tables.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is not a complaint. This is a receipt. Wear it to your financial advisor's office. Wear it to your parents' financial advisor's office. Wear it while explaining to a 22-year-old that yes, they are technically paying into this right now. The artwork does not editorialize. It simply mirrors the system back at you with a sincere grin and zero apology, which is exactly what the system does.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClaim No.:\u003c\/strong\u003e 000-00-0000\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClaimant Status:\u003c\/strong\u003e Optimistic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClaim Type:\u003c\/strong\u003e Retirement \/ Dignity \/ Basic Continuity of Self\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEstimated Processing Time:\u003c\/strong\u003e Longer Than You Have\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eExpected Resolution:\u003c\/strong\u003e After You Stop Needing It\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCurrent Queue Position:\u003c\/strong\u003e Behind Several Discretionary Defense Appropriations\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThis Message Approved By:\u003c\/strong\u003e An Agency That Will Be Renamed Before You Collect\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48027614511156,"sku":"29655375620921330924","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48027614543924,"sku":"22542993684587630668","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48027614576692,"sku":"29732723163330273555","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48027614609460,"sku":"18390758317928431343","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48027614642228,"sku":"12542542268876527913","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48027614674996,"sku":"87624602316998542594","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48027614707764,"sku":"28818778239672822447","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48027614740532,"sku":"97010610490744599902","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48027614773300,"sku":"73162568619140149800","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48027614806068,"sku":"21094992269060596149","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/4316352010070126114_2048.jpg?v=1783896187","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/processing-your-claim-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}