{"product_id":"registered-emotional-support-hellhound-cap","title":"Registered Emotional Support Hellhound — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou used to guard the gates of eternal torment, rending the flesh of the living so the dead could never escape. Now you need a forged doctor’s note and a cheap neon harness so your handler doesn't have to pay the pet fee on Spirit Airlines. The absolute indignity of ancient cosmic terror being subjected to the Department of Transportation’s guidelines on support animals.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThere is no monster so terrifying that it cannot be entirely neutered by a sterile administrative process. The underworld has been rezoned, the River Styx requires an E-ZPass, and the three-headed devourer of souls is currently wearing a high-vis vest while shaking violently in a bulkhead seat.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRequires three (3) distinct TSA pat-downs\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDO NOT PET (Will consume your eternal soul and\/or trigger a liability waiver)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eConstructed with OSHA-compliant reflective striping for safe damnation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eExempt from municipal leash laws; strictly bound by commercial seating dimensions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S\/M \/ White","offer_id":48102477496372,"sku":"24708591468977629735","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S\/M \/ Black","offer_id":48102477529140,"sku":"29591490428483008812","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S\/M \/ Dark Navy","offer_id":48102477561908,"sku":"79234389996736893460","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S\/M \/ Khaki","offer_id":48102477594676,"sku":"32520584343112777973","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L\/XL \/ White","offer_id":48102477627444,"sku":"26993609094126248730","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L\/XL \/ Black","offer_id":48102477660212,"sku":"33526568234812551766","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L\/XL \/ Dark Navy","offer_id":48102477692980,"sku":"32208911970006024506","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L\/XL \/ Khaki","offer_id":48102477725748,"sku":"10952121789674478202","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/1273098953676403266_2048.jpg?v=1785938959","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/registered-emotional-support-hellhound-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}