{"product_id":"retain-nothing-mandatory-reintegration-cycle-tee","title":"RETAIN NOTHING — Mandatory Reintegration Cycle — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou have been cleared for re-entry into the Mandatory Reintegration Cycle. This vessel has been issued by the Bureau of Compulsory Attendance to confirm your psychological status: \u003cem\u003ecompliant, depleted, and ready to absorb information you will not retain past the second Friday of October.\u003c\/em\u003e Drink from it in first period. Let the institution see what it has made.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe Re-Entry Program makes no guarantees regarding the transfer of knowledge, the preservation of will, or the long-term viability of the subject. Attendance is mandatory. Learning is optional. Forgetting is assured. \u003cstrong\u003eRETAIN NOTHING\u003c\/strong\u003e is not a warning — it is a mission statement, a track record, and an honest assessment of twelve years of public education delivered in a single deadpan order.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIssued pursuant to Annual Cycle Resumption Protocol 9-through-June\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSubject has demonstrated full compliance with prior forgetting requirements\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCaffeine intake is recommended but will not be sufficient\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThis vessel does not constitute endorsement of consciousness before 8 a.m.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe horrors are scheduled. Please consult your homeroom assignment.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNo refunds. No appeals. See you next year.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48032952778804,"sku":"27991540525230340086","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48032952811572,"sku":"89845202304181166683","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48032952844340,"sku":"12129749052559078797","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48032952877108,"sku":"16148542808304403344","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48032952909876,"sku":"92525349686145921779","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48032952942644,"sku":"26854098406617839802","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48032952975412,"sku":"67341019806070871092","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48032953008180,"sku":"61594099412848737291","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48032953040948,"sku":"32867852917313655803","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48032953073716,"sku":"26761396309308727310","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/2958463868746078860_2048.jpg?v=1784008629","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/retain-nothing-mandatory-reintegration-cycle-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}