{"product_id":"silent-reading-flesh-wedge-mug","title":"Silent Reading Flesh Wedge — Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003eRemember the warm nostalgia of elementary school, when the teacher demanded absolute silence and compliance was non-negotiable? We've upgraded the classic pink bevel for today's authoritarian learning environments. Cast in hyper-realistic, slightly clammy synthetic tongue flesh, this desktop staple enforces library hour with brutal, anatomical literalism.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt is the perfect back-to-school essential for intimidating a chatty seatmate or leaving a disturbingly moist smudge over your scantron errors. Stamped with a cheerful 'SILENT READING' right across the papillae, it serves as a tactile reminder that your voice is a classroom privilege, not a right.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTextured for maximum grip and zero backtalk.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLeaves a faint, coppery-tasting residue on standardized tests.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not require hydration, though it may sweat under pressure.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eProperty of the school district. Do not attempt reattachment.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":48162273099828,"sku":"10636358192675610876","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":48162273132596,"sku":"10222185586922677555","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/2139830426785413348_2048.jpg?v=1786777218","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/silent-reading-flesh-wedge-mug","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}