{"product_id":"sportsbook-philanthropist-cap","title":"Sportsbook Philanthropist — Cap","description":"\u003cp\u003eAh, the sport of kings. The thunder of hooves, the crisp morning air, the unmistakable dignity of blowing your entire bi-weekly paycheck on a six-leg Lithuanian table tennis parlay while sitting on the toilet. Welcome to the upper crust.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWe have elevated the modern degenerate into the aristocracy they deserve. You aren't a gambling addict trapped in a frictionless algorithmic dopamine loop; you are a generous donor to the offshore accounts of a massive corporate sportsbook. Wear your elite status with pride, right up until the repo man takes your sedan.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSmartphone blinder keeps out distractions like 'your family' and 'financial ruin'\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGraph strictly trends downward in a rich, aristocratic crimson\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% tax-deductible (according to a guy named Sully behind the track)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOfficial uniform of the zero-percent owner\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Black","offer_id":48098491990068,"sku":"31603910799405911594","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ White","offer_id":48098492022836,"sku":"19341845460286670968","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Charcoal","offer_id":48098492055604,"sku":"22267644150663021103","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-plate_2f48deb4-5371-4d31-86c5-596e1c439491.png?v=1785835964","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/sportsbook-philanthropist-cap","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}