{"product_id":"the-long-way-hoodie","title":"The Long Way — Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eSociety wants you to eat it like a typewriter. Left to right, little bites, ding. But you are not a machine. You are a biological terror, and you refuse to conform to Big Agriculture’s horizontal consumption agenda. Unhinge your jaw like a starved python and assert immediate, terrifying dominance at the neighborhood barbecue.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis helpful minimalist diagram separates the compliant sheep from the apex predators. For the dietary visionary who looks at a twelve-inch starchy cylinder and whispers, I am going to maintain unbroken eye contact while I do this.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRequires mild, temporary dislocation of the lower mandible.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuaranteed to make your in-laws leave the cookout early.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not attempt with heavily buttered cobs unless you have a spotter.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWeird Castle assumes no liability for throat geometry alterations.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Maroon","offer_id":48162272313396,"sku":"18911521434200555640","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":48162272346164,"sku":"28810338308985309661","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48162272378932,"sku":"32264216376527844289","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48162272411700,"sku":"21016248867998083897","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Maroon","offer_id":48162272444468,"sku":"41358348424898712663","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Navy","offer_id":48162272477236,"sku":"31011222107553415913","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48162272510004,"sku":"28310866408287664748","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48162272542772,"sku":"27766486452729733322","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Maroon","offer_id":48162272575540,"sku":"44772540387289510590","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Navy","offer_id":48162272608308,"sku":"80325030985443759845","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48162272641076,"sku":"18386394277236447978","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48162272673844,"sku":"18359465251113783791","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48162272706612,"sku":"20197839107481839113","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48162272739380,"sku":"23603079362597502703","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48162272772148,"sku":"47612631517082934231","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48162272804916,"sku":"15808212683611897774","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Maroon","offer_id":48162272837684,"sku":"32845181275247216284","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Navy","offer_id":48162272870452,"sku":"25300481595759723307","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":48162272903220,"sku":"29282713463797890422","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48162272935988,"sku":"28579179885862640908","price":54.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/18359407093548004553_2048.jpg?v=1786777206","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/the-long-way-hoodie","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}