{"product_id":"the-long-way-mug","title":"The Long Way — Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003eSociety wants you to eat it like a typewriter. Left to right, little bites, ding. But you are not a machine. You are a biological terror, and you refuse to conform to Big Agriculture’s horizontal consumption agenda. Unhinge your jaw like a starved python and assert immediate, terrifying dominance at the neighborhood barbecue.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis helpful minimalist diagram separates the compliant sheep from the apex predators. For the dietary visionary who looks at a twelve-inch starchy cylinder and whispers, I am going to maintain unbroken eye contact while I do this.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRequires mild, temporary dislocation of the lower mandible.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuaranteed to make your in-laws leave the cookout early.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not attempt with heavily buttered cobs unless you have a spotter.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWeird Castle assumes no liability for throat geometry alterations.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":48162267332660,"sku":"25205186764083103367","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":48162267365428,"sku":"72765304280841940799","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/2609788519407867528_2048.jpg?v=1786777158","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/the-long-way-mug","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}