{"product_id":"the-long-way-sticker","title":"The Long Way — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eSociety wants you to eat it like a typewriter. Left to right, little bites, ding. But you are not a machine. You are a biological terror, and you refuse to conform to Big Agriculture’s horizontal consumption agenda. Unhinge your jaw like a starved python and assert immediate, terrifying dominance at the neighborhood barbecue.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis helpful minimalist diagram separates the compliant sheep from the apex predators. For the dietary visionary who looks at a twelve-inch starchy cylinder and whispers, I am going to maintain unbroken eye contact while I do this.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRequires mild, temporary dislocation of the lower mandible.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuaranteed to make your in-laws leave the cookout early.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not attempt with heavily buttered cobs unless you have a spotter.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWeird Castle assumes no liability for throat geometry alterations.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48162270478388,"sku":"14485329453227371344","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48162270511156,"sku":"18406287257944390033","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/17865728872090763203_1200.jpg?v=1786777180","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/the-long-way-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}