{"product_id":"the-michael-blueprint-canvas","title":"The Michael Blueprint — Canvas","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe undisputed pinnacle of late-twentieth-century bio-mechanical engineering. By synthesizing the relentless, unkillable stalking mechanics of Haddonfield’s favorite son with the anti-gravity lean and sequenced glitter of a pop deity, R\u0026amp;D has finally patented a device capable of terrifying a babysitter while hitting a perfect falsetto.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRendered in the cold, unfeeling lines of an industrial schematic, this blueprint exposes the inner workings of the ultimate hybrid organism. It is a testament to what happens when corporate innovation completely abandons ethics to focus on maximizing both body counts and global record sales.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSubject will instinctively moonwalk past fleeing victims to optimize dramatic tension.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Do not stare directly into the sequined butcher knife.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAuditory sensors trigger unprompted crotch-grabbing and high-pitched vocalizations in the presence of teenagers.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePatent null and void if exposed to open flame, gratuitous sequels, or 1990s documentary crews.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"0.75'' \/ 11″ x 14″ (Vertical)","offer_id":50492591276084,"sku":"28131751823715185083","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"0.75'' \/ 12″ x 16″ (Vertical)","offer_id":50492591308852,"sku":"12319118680212994956","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"0.75'' \/ 16″ x 20″ (Vertical)","offer_id":50492591341620,"sku":"10167766268546764517","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/wc-shot-the-michael-blueprint-canvas-0_898a0134-db9c-4b13-91a4-91506f726d92.png?v=1790036716","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/the-michael-blueprint-canvas","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}