{"product_id":"the-michael-blueprint-sticker","title":"The Michael Blueprint — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe undisputed pinnacle of late-twentieth-century bio-mechanical engineering. By synthesizing the relentless, unkillable stalking mechanics of Haddonfield’s favorite son with the anti-gravity lean and sequenced glitter of a pop deity, R\u0026amp;D has finally patented a device capable of terrifying a babysitter while hitting a perfect falsetto.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRendered in the cold, unfeeling lines of an industrial schematic, this blueprint exposes the inner workings of the ultimate hybrid organism. It is a testament to what happens when corporate innovation completely abandons ethics to focus on maximizing both body counts and global record sales.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSubject will instinctively moonwalk past fleeing victims to optimize dramatic tension.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Do not stare directly into the sequined butcher knife.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAuditory sensors trigger unprompted crotch-grabbing and high-pitched vocalizations in the presence of teenagers.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePatent null and void if exposed to open flame, gratuitous sequels, or 1990s documentary crews.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Weird Castle","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":50492591505460,"sku":"10020276515743342168","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":50492591538228,"sku":"16845312675750439571","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/16436387742242334389_1200.jpg?v=1789920631","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/the-michael-blueprint-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}