{"product_id":"total-structural-failure-tee","title":"Total Structural Failure — Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe modern human is a structurally deficient vessel barely held together by synthetic serotonin, doomscrolling, and sheer neurotic momentum. We isolated this mass psychic collapse and slapped it onto a rapidly deteriorating bottle of industrial-grade cyanoacrylate.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWatch in real-time as the bonding agent recursively panics, desperately attempting to adhere its own fracturing reality back into a readable state. This functions as a legally mandated hazard placard for your impending, highly public nervous breakdown. Stop pretending you have it under control.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWarning: Emits highly toxic fumes of localized panic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not apply to shattered egos or systemic societal rot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaximum emotional load capacity exceeded at birth\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIssued by the Weird Castle Department of Psychological Containment\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":48064024608820,"sku":"91142395393036651364","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":48064024641588,"sku":"32506852173126270664","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":48064024674356,"sku":"90964136407154797636","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":48064024707124,"sku":"33779553569400151061","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Black","offer_id":48064024739892,"sku":"12372978025364101462","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":48064024772660,"sku":"25339029144277919163","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Black","offer_id":48064024805428,"sku":"19474672759292620037","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":48064024838196,"sku":"16882106974378960314","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Black","offer_id":48064024870964,"sku":"31822513702846065738","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":48064024903732,"sku":"20659847456729511221","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/6958550157236547300_2048.jpg?v=1784987089","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/total-structural-failure-tee","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}