{"product_id":"weekend-burnt-offering-sticker","title":"Weekend Burnt Offering — Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou call it a weekend cookout; the Dark Lord calls it a localized blood ritual. There is no functional difference between a suburban dad obsessing over a brisket smoke-ring and an ancient pagan priest making a burnt offering of flesh on an altar of fire. We just gave the ancient priest cargo shorts, pristine white lawn-mowing sneakers, and a pair of clicky tongs.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRendered in the aggressively cheerful, hyper-sanitized 3D style of a corporate onboarding mascot, this piece says the quiet part out loud. Perfect for the guy whose entire personality is meat optimization and rigid HOA compliance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUSDA Prime ritual immolation.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCharcoal, hickory wood, and the agonizing wails of the damned.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHOA guidelines strictly prohibit summoning before 8:00 AM.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIf you don't click the tongs twice, the spell fails.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":48086142812212,"sku":"14847266987272516982","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":48086142844980,"sku":"14603940261050562723","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0653\/7340\/5236\/files\/8615038279573518293_1200.jpg?v=1785495084","url":"https:\/\/weirdcastle.com\/products\/weekend-burnt-offering-sticker","provider":"Weird Castle","version":"1.0","type":"link"}