Bubonic Croissant Hoodie — Funny Celiac Disease & IBS Gift

You are built different. Literally. Your immune system treats a buttery French pastry with the same apocalyptic dread as a medieval epidemic. Finally, a dramatic, lightning-bolt-heavy aesthetic that properly honors the sheer, violent devastation happening in your lower intestine when you make eye contact with a bakery.

Witness a coalition of plague doctors calling down the wrath of heaven upon a single, arrogant croissant. We took the hardest bootleg graphic from 1996 and applied it to the deeply uncool reality of having your weekend ruined by a crouton. Wear it like a biological hazard warning label.

The fine print:

• Does not grant immunity to cross-contamination
• Establishes dominance in the gastroenterologist waiting room
• A legally binding excuse for occupying the guest bathroom

An elite gift for anyone battling gluten, wheat allergies, or irritable bowels. Perfectly sized for curling into a ball until the symptoms pass.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.