Court-Ordered Homebody — House Arrest Hoodie
- Printed to order in the U.S.
- Tracked to your door
- Free U.S. delivery
- 30-day returns
- A person answers your email
Ships fast, with tracking · Shipping details
30-day returns · secure Shopify checkout · a human answers questions
About this item
Some people stay in because they love streaming, scented candles, and cozy blankets. You stay in because a municipal judge determined you are a severe flight risk with a penchant for grand larceny. Either way, domestic bliss is no longer a lifestyle choice—it is a legally binding mandate.
Embrace your court-ordered homebody era with a house arrest hoodie that says you're indoors, unavailable, and strictly monitored by the county justice system. It's the ultimate gag gift for hardcore introverts, true crime fans, or anyone who considers leaving the house a literal parole violation.
- Not a pedometer, so stop asking how many steps you took pacing the living room.
- Pairs perfectly with tamper-proof GPS trackers and heavily restricted county lines.
- Vibrates aggressively when exposed to airports, liquor stores, or international waters.
An everyday essential for pacing your assigned perimeter in absolute comfort.
Shipping & returns
Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.
Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.
Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.
Size guide
True to size, unisex fit. Measurements are the garment laid flat, in inches.
| Size | Chest width | Body length |
|---|---|---|
| S | 20 | 27 |
| M | 22 | 28 |
| L | 24 | 29 |
| XL | 26 | 30 |
| 2XL | 28 | 31 |
| 3XL | 30 | 32 |