Earth Deportation Photo — T-Shirt

They told us the rockets were for humanity's future. They lied. The truth is sitting right here in a grainy, classified intake photo from a subterranean holding cell. He is just trying to get home, and he is wearing nothing but standard-issue tighty-whities to do it. The torso alone violates at least three known laws of terrestrial physics.

This is the leak they warned you about. A totally unvarnished, violently uncomfortable glimpse of the apex predator of the tech world, stripped of his billions and caught in the headlights. Let it serve as a daily reminder that the overlords are not just weird—they are fundamentally not from here.

• Does not include non-disclosure agreement hush money
• Warning: may cause spontaneous urges to ruin a social network
• Technically classified as a Level 4 biological hazard
• Guaranteed to drastically lower your algorithmic reach

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