Fast Food Medical Plan Sticker — Funny American Healthcare

"Talk to your doctor" is a phrase for people who live in functional societies. For the rest of us, medical care involves driving to a suspiciously trapezoidal building that clearly used to be a Pizza Hut and hoping the guy in the branded scrubs can glue a head wound shut for under nine hundred dollars.

Featuring an 8-bit pixel skull and crossed flaming syringes, this is the retro video game game-over screen for your actual physical body. Perfect for wearing while you sit in a plastic chair at a repurposed fried chicken franchise, waiting for a physician's assistant to Google your symptoms.

• Your co-pay is simply whatever is left in your checking account.
• Yes, the exam room still smells faintly of deep fryer grease.
• Will not cure the existential dread of opening a surprise medical bill.
• In-network at all former Long John Silver's locations.