Flock Off — Birds Aren't Real Crow Hoodie

Ah, the majestic crow. Nature's smartest scavenger, now retrofitted with a 4K facial recognition lens and automated license-plate tracking by your local municipal overlords. We paired the timeless grace of a vintage Japanese woodblock print with the deeply comforting reality that every neighborhood tree is now a node in the regional panopticon.

Tell the neighborhood watch, the local constabulary, and the domestic data apparatus exactly where they can shove their biometric collection policies. The birds haven't been real since the Edo period, and it is time to politely request they stop logging your daily commute with this conspiracy-theory-approved crow hoodie.

• Will not prevent an automated citation for parking exactly 2.4 inches over the white line.
• Please do not attempt to feed breadcrumbs to the optics housing.
• Any perceived squawking is a purely synthetic deterrent and does not indicate a failing hard drive.

A comfortable classic-fit hooded sweatshirt perfect for dodging municipal drones or scrolling declassified documents from the safety of your couch.

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. U.S. delivery is free.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.