Mount Touchmore Sticker — Funny Bootleg Rap

Some national monuments are carved out of granite, but this one was chiseled out of NDAs, out-of-court settlements, and PR crisis management fees. Done up in a glorious bootleg nineties rap aesthetic, this is the ultimate tribute to the titans of the casting couch and the untouchable men who touched way too much.

Throw this on when you want to ruin the vibe at a networking mixer or just need a fast way to get asked to leave a Hollywood tribute gala. It is heavy, it is deeply uncomfortable, and it says the quiet part through a megaphone.

• Carved entirely from unsolicited apologies
• Not recognized by the National Park Service
• Do not wear within five hundred feet of a red carpet
• A towering achievement in non-consensual history