No Lives Matter Schematic Hoodie — Michael Myers Blueprint Parody

Some killers have a type. Some have a manifesto. And some just look at the grand, sweeping arc of humanity and decide that absolutely everyone has to go. Michael is the ultimate champion of equality: no demographics, no exceptions, no survivors.

Presented as a highly technical blueprint for the total liquidation of Haddonfield, this funny slasher hoodie embraces the cold, sterile logic of a villain who refuses to discriminate. Why argue about who matters when you can render the entire debate moot with an oversized kitchen knife and a brisk, unhurried walk? The ultimate morbid gift for horror movie fans and advocates for equal opportunity liquidation.

• Pacing: Slower than a jog, faster than your car starting.
• Target Demographic: Literally everyone.
• HR Policy: Equal opportunity stabbing.
• Core Philosophy: No lives matter.