Not Now Sweetie Daddy's Lowballing T-Shirt — Facebook Marketplace Bad

Family is temporary, but the visceral thrill of offering a stranger twelve dollars and half a pack of Newports for a riding mower listed at three hundred is eternal. The modern patriarch doesn’t hunt or gather; he sits in the dark, bathed in the blue glow of his smartphone, aggressively disrespecting the local economy.

Wear this while actively ignoring the people who love you to ask a stranger if they can deliver a five-dollar side table to a zip code forty miles away. The retro 3D red script says you have taste; the message says you will absolutely ghost the seller the second they reply 'yes.'

The Fine Print:

• Will attempt to trade a broken jet ski for your grandmother's antique armoire.
• Treats the words 'firm on price' as a deeply personal insult.
• Leaves you on read immediately after asking 'is this still available?'

Everything is printed to order by our manufacturing partners, mainly in the United States — your item is made after you buy it, then shipped fast with tracking emailed the moment it leaves the printer. Free U.S. shipping on orders $20+.

Production and transit times are published as separate numbers in the shipping policy, so you can check them before you buy.

Returns are accepted for 30 days from delivery — see the refund policy. Questions go to a person, not a ticket robot: contact us.