On My Knees For The Goon Hoodie — Funny Crab Rangoon

Some people pray for wealth. Some pray for salvation. You pray to a styrofoam clamshell leaking neon red sauce onto the passenger seat of a 2006 Honda Civic. This is the heavy-hitting 90s bootleg rap tribute that deep-fried imitation crab and molten cream cheese finally deserves. Complete with fire, lightning, and pure unadulterated devotion to the ultimate takeout appetizer.

Wear it to assert absolute dominance at the buffet, or just to let everyone know exactly the kind of depraved acts you are willing to commit for a six-piece order. It is loud, unapologetic, and aggressively desperate for a triangle of fried dough. Respect the goon.

• Contains absolutely zero actual crab
• Guaranteed to permanently blister the roof of your mouth and you will thank it
• We are not responsible for what you do in the parking lot for extra duck sauce
• Not legally affiliated with any other internet definitions of gooning